Massachusetts DCF Endangers Children

In 2012, an independent assessment of the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families determined that our state was doing a terrible job of caring for at risk children: Here are some scary statistics:

• 2011, 40 children died while in state care
• 1 in 5 children experienced abuse or neglect while in state care
• More than 50 percent of children in care have been prescribed psychotropic drugs
• DCF workers fail to make 25% of their required monthly visits to families in care
• More than 18% of children reunited with parents were removed again due to new claims of abuse and neglect
• The number of foster placements for one child is extremely high, going as high as 20 placements for one child

Ultimately, Massachusetts is doing a worse job of caring for its at risk children than departments in 40 out of the 50 US states. 

This is not all. In 2010 the state was sued (Connor B. v. Patrick), alleging that children suffer four times higher abuse here in MA than they do in the rest of the country. In 2013 a federal judge found that MA DCF "failed not only to comport with national standards...but also to comply with its own internal policies." Judge Judy Brown actually asked of DCF, "Do you care?" 

So, armed with recommendations from the assessment and under pressure to comply with federal laws, what did the state do? Nothing. The result: Jeremiah Oliver is missing and presumed dead and who knows how many more children have been hurt.

Now of course,  the media is adding more pressure and it's an election year, so suddenly the solutions are coming in. Attorney General Martha Coakley, who is running for governor, wants to enact a Child Protection Agency within DCF to serve the children deemed most at risk. She has finally stated that children's needs have to come ahead of the needs of the abusive parents. This is from the Boston Herald:

“Right now, a child who is the victim of abuse or neglect may not have someone involved in his or her case who looks out only for the child’s safety,” Coakley said. “During my career, I have seen, day in and day out, how the current structure of DCF puts children at risk and overburdens social workers; the creation of an independent Child Protection Division will go a long way towards addressing these issues.”

Of course this is true but I now ask this of Martha Coakley: Why did you wait until Jeremiah Oliver was dead to come up with an actual solution? If you've known this was an issue throughout your career, why didn't you do something sooner? You're the state's Attorney General. You should have done something. Instead you did nothing and now a little boy is (probably) dead. Shame on you.

Meanwhile, as Martha Coakley devises solutions, the current governor pretends that our current problems are one-off experiences. Governor Deval Patrick, says the issue is not systemic however he's now willing to spend taxpayer money on an outside study to assess the current state of the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families. The cost for this assessment: $40,000. Did I mention that this study was already thoroughly accomplished by Children's Rights in 2012? Why do we need another one and why do we need to spend taxpayer dollars on it? Let's instead put that $40K someplace it will do some good. If money needs to come out of someone's pocket, let it come out of millionaire Deval Patrick's pockets.

All I can do is hope that the pressure that the media is putting on this case actually makes some positive change in Massachusetts because if left to our elected officials, clearly nothing happens. The only silver lining to any of this is that we might be able to make things better for kids in the future.

What a Rough Week!

I am so glad this week is over and I'm sure my kiddo is glad too.

Christopher came home from school with notes every single day this week. Here is a roundup of our less than stellar week:

Monday: Threw pencils at kids across the room
Tuesday: Hitting, biting, pushing and spitting on kids in the after school program
Wednesday: I didn't even read the note
Thursday: Kicked a girl in the head in the after-school program
Friday: Crying in class; Jumped on friend because he wanted the book she had in her hands

Aaahhh the joys of an ADHD former-foster kid.

What happened this week? We had been doing so well the last few months and now it seems almost like we're back at square one again. I do have some theories:

1. Christopher's therapy is about to end and the therapy team told him on Monday that he was going to "graduate" next week. Christopher has lost two therapists before these two because they had left the practice to get new jobs. Each time Christopher transitioned away from the old therapist to a new therapist, he acted out in ways similar to the above. It makes sense that Tuesday was his worst day because that was the day after he was told he was losing Mary and Mike.
   
   I asked Christopher on Wednesday evening if losing Mike and Mary was upsetting him and he said yes. I also asked him if he thought he was going to be taken away again and he said yes to that as well. Ugh. So my child is acting out because he's afraid he's going to taken away and put into another stranger's foster home. What a heartbreaking thought. I can't imagine always being afraid that I was going to lose my home and my family but this is the reality for so many kids unfortunately. Thankfully that's not the reality for MY kid though and I reassured him that this was his forever home and that he was stuck with me.
   
   It's frustrating because clearly this kid needs some sort of help but what do you do when the services your child gets to help him with his trauma history is what is actually causing the problems? I can talk to the therapists but what can they do? They're "graduating" him next week. Then we're on our own. Not really what I need but it is what it is.
   
   I spoke with Christopher's teacher and she said he could see the therapist at the school if he has an IEP. We are scheduled for IEP testing later this month so hopefully he qualifies and can start receiving services through the school.
   
   
2. After being off school for two weeks, Christopher is way off of his routine. Christopher does not do well at all when he's off his routine. He may need some time to re-adjust to his long days at school and the after-school program again. Lots of kids. Lots of stimulation. And lots of being tired by the end of the day. All those factors can be rough on a kid with ADHD. Hopefully he adjusts next week.
   
   
3. I may have forgotten to give Christopher his ADHD medication on Tuesday. Oops on my part. I too am off my normal routine and with trying to remember so many different things in the morning, I think I forgot possibly one of the most important. After his tough day on Tuesday though, I will never let that mistake happen again.

We'll see if next week is better and I truly hope it is, or else I'll have to figure something out. We'll see. Wish us lots of luck. I think we may just need it.

A Heartbreaking Story: Jeremiah Oliver

5 year old Jeremiah Oliver

Here in Massachusetts a heartbreaking story has dominated the headlines the last few weeks: the story of little Jeremiah Oliver, who has been missing since September and is feared dead.

The story is horrible all around. The mother lived with a boyfriend who was beating her and beating the children. The family was under the supervision of the Department of Children and Families but the social worker ignored her responsibilities and hadn't seen the children since last spring. The supervisors knew this and not only allowed this but...gave the social worker a promotion and a raise!

The social worker was so, so very negligent. She hadn't visited the children in the better part of a year. The little boy's teacher had also called the social worker to say that the mom told her that the boy had moved to Florida to live with the grandparents. But the social worker never followed up. The little boy was probably already dead by then but there were siblings and they kept getting abused for the rest of the year.

It wasn't until the sister told a counselor at her school in December that she was being beaten and that her brother was missing. Then finally the police got involved. The boyfriend and mom were arrested, the children put into foster care and a search went underway to locate the little boy. He is feared dead. And at this point his body will probably never be found.

It is so heartbreaking to think of what this little boy went through in the last few months of his life. No one even tried to keep this handsome little boy safe. Not the mother who stood by and watched while the children she loved were savagely beaten. Not DCF who really should have known better. Not the extended family who cried on camera to the media after the fact but did nothing when it could have actually made a difference. No one.

When Christopher was still a foster child, I had to have monthly visits with his social worker and she would not allow me to stop, no matter how difficult they were. She told me she had to see Christopher every single month, even if it was just for five minutes, to ensure he was being kept safe. In our case, it was tough because every time Christopher saw her, he thought she was coming to take him away so I'd have to suffer through terrible outbursts for days afterwards as he dealt with all the emotions. I understood though and thought well, if this helped to keep other kids safe then we'll just have to suck it up for now.

Christopher last week on vacation

Christopher looks so much like Jeremiah and all I could think while this was all happening was how this could have been him, if not for the grace of God. Christopher saw a picture of Jeremiah on the news when we were in a restaurant a few weeks ago and he even asked me if that was a picture of himself. I almost cried at the thought.

There are 40,000 children under the care of the Department of Children and Families here in Massachusetts. 30,000 are children receiving services, meaning that social workers are supposed to visit all those children on a monthly basis. We simply do not have enough social workers to manage those levels of responsible care and I wonder how many more children are falling through the cracks because the social worker caseloads are so overwhelming.

My friend who has a pre-adoptive child in the same Fitchburg DCF officed, asked her little guy's social worker about this case. He told her that the caseloads are truly overwhelming but that this didn't surprise him about this particular social worker. Lovely. So just how many social workers are out there like this particular social worker? That's the million dollar question.

I hope Governor Patrick decides to hire more social workers and make sure they are held accountable for their responsibilities. That's the only way cases like Jeremiah Oliver will never happen again. This system is broken and so poorly funded and it's the kids who end up suffering in the worst possible way. Rest in peace little Jeremiah. My heart breaks for you and all the other kids out there like you.

2013: A Year in Review

2013...what a year it was. There were some amazing moments: Like camping with the family this summer, fun with friends and Christopher doing so well post diagnosis.

There were some seriously tough times this year though and I'm not sure I'd ever want to relive a year like that again. Let's just say 2013 was a difficult year to be a working single parent.

Starting off in January when my company had layoffs and we went through a major re-org. My department was hit hard and the rest of my work year was heavily impacted...not always in a good way. I have to admit it was a really exhausting experience having to do the job I was tasked to do this past year. Long hours and lots of stress all year long really wore me down.

Another thing that was tough to deal with was the fact that literally every piece of equipment I own this year decided to break at some point. I had Sears here for both my washer and my over the range microwave. I had to replace the microwave but the washer could be fixed...for now. The repairman said it will break permanently sometime soon though. My car had to go to the dealer not once but twice (an hour away) because the horn wouldn't stop blaring. I had to have AAA out because I drove over a nail and they replaced my tire. I replaced three broken blinds through the house. My boiler had a gas leak and I had to call National Grid, a plumber and an electrician to fix it. And two different plumbers have said I need a new hot water heater. All I can say to all this is...ka-ching. My savings seriously depleted this year. Big time.

Last but not definitely not least, my son's not-yet-diagnosed ADHD became much much worse over the course of the year. Summertime was the worst. His pre-school and therapy office closed its doors so he was missing a sense of structure and routine that he desperately needed. Thinking a nanny for the summer would be good, I spent a ton of $$$ to have someone with him all day at home. What a disastrous choice that turned out to be. On day 2 he threatened to kill her and I had to come home and deal with an hysterical woman I barely knew...and also have to figure out what to do with Christopher for the ret of the summer. I was able to beg her to stay but we had some seriously tough times after that. Like the day she called me in hysterics to say they had been escorted out of the Children's Museum by armed security because Christopher was attacking children with a stick. Sigh...that was definitely a low for us. I called my son's pediatrician after that and almost had him put into a special in-patient facility for analysis because I was so freaked out. I decided not to as I thought that would be too traumatic for him and decided to wait it out because his appointment with Children's Hospital would be in just a few weeks. Thankfully that was the right decision. But I have to admit I really felt over my head on that one.

But now onto the good news. All the broken items (except for the washer and the hot water heater) have been fixed. Christopher finally had his appointment with Children's Hospital and the medication the doctor put him on has done wonders. I mean wonders. Completely different kid and I am so relieved! With work, my huge 2013 project is starting to wind down to manageable levels and I'm not nearly so stressed anymore. Also I was able to get my DCF stipend reinstated and they actually back-filled it to the expiration date, so a sizable, incredibly helpful check came in right after Christmas. 

Also we just got a major snow storm here and so school has been closed the last two days. It stinks because it is SO cold out (zero degrees right now!) but the time home allowed me to spend time de-cluttering my spare bedroom, which had gotten seriously bad. Boxes and papers piled up everywhere! I put a bunch of stuff downstairs into the basement storage, threw out several garbage bags of broken toys and old papers and now my spare room can be used as a spare room again. It feels good to be starting the new year ahead of the curve.

And finally because I've been home the last few days, I've been able to catch up on sleep and it has felt SOOOOO good! I was exhausted all year. Literally...exhausted. The last few nights I got nine hours of sleep as opposed to the 5 or 6 I've had the last few months. I'm loving how I feel right now!

So that said, I'm starting 2014 feeling healthy, well rested and positive about the future. This is a great feeling and I hope I get to stay in this mindset for a really long time.

Happy new year!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, happy holidays, joyeux noel and happy Kwanzaa!

We spent the last week out in Boulder, CO visiting extended family and it was a great time. After 12 hours of trains, planes and automobiles, we're back home in Boston, ready to start "real life" again tomorrow.

Christopher goes to YMCA vacation camp and I go back to work. Bah humbug. But hey, someone's gotta pay the mortgage, right?

The week away was really nice and it was great to see family. Everyone was incredibly generous with their gifts too: My sister got Christopher a Razor scooter and a cool helmet. She also bought me a cappuccino maker so now I can stop going to Starbucks and start enjoying tasty coffee drinks right in my own home. Nice right???

Christopher adored spending time with his auntie and with his two cousins, who are close to age with him. The up side was, the kids had a lot of fun playing together. The down side was, sometimes play turned into loud, screaming chaos.

With three kids ages 5, 6 and 7, all over-stimulated, over-sugared and not getting enough sleep, even the most well adjusted child will melt down. Try having a special needs kiddo with ADHD, ODD and PTSD and as you can imagine it all got a bit insane at times. Each day Christopher seemed to lose more impulse control and the defiance increased in frequency. We tried going out to dinner on our last night there and all the boys did was fight, which made we two moms ready to rip our hair out. I'm pretty sure the other patrons at Outback Steakhouse were happy when we were done and gone that evening. Thank you come again....not.

Then there's the travel. Christopher's actually a really good airline traveler--better than I am, if I am to be honest. I get so stressed that I'm going to be late and miss my flight or forget something important like my wallet or that I won't find parking in the economy lot, etc. etc. For some reason when we travel, Christopher's the calm one and I feel like the raving lunatic until I'm safely buckled into my seat. I joked with the woman next to me in the security line that I think it's the only time of year that I wish I had a Xanax prescription. (Kidding! Well sort of...)

Now the airlines also really do not make it easy to travel during the holidays. First, everything is just so unbelievably expensive. I don't even want to tell you what I paid for those tickets. On top of that, you get on the plane and they want to charge you for "premium seats", which frankly, don't seem all that premium-ish to me. If you want to watch DirectTV, it's $8.00 per TV screen per flight. So for us, just getting to Denver it would have been $32 if I had chosen that option ($64 round trip). No thank you! I loaded up the Kindle with movies and games for Christopher and I chose to read a book. Last but not least, no airline peanuts. If you want any sort of food, even a snack, you're now paying out of pocket for it and it's pretty crappy. Needless to say, we ate in the airport.

When I booked the flight, I couldn't select my seats yet. Fine. So I waited and went back to the site last week to select seats, only to find that most seats had been chosen and there were only some random singles left. So did that mean I wouldn't be sitting next to my young child for 4 hours? Pretty much. When I got to the airport, I tried to get the United people to help me, all to no avail. It was a full aircraft, nothing we can do, blah blah blah. Finally, I had to beg the nice man sitting next to Christopher to switch with me just so I could sit next to my young child. Thankfully he did, or else I would have had to pay for those "premium seats" to ensure Christopher didn't start screaming and crying without me there. Yeesh. Honestly, next time I fly out to Colorado, I'm flying JetBlue. United just kind of stunk. So not family friendly.

Now we're home, Christopher's asleep and I'm just about ready to call it a night myself. I hope all who read this has had a wonderful Christmas season themselves and I look forward to a momentous and enjoyable 2014 as well. Cheers!

Fun Run

Yesterday I had one of the best days I've had in a really long time. I got to run the Somerville Jingle Bell Run. I was slow as molasses because I haven't had the time to run in months but that doesn't matter. I had 30 full minutes all to myself so I could do something I love. It was awesome.

A group of friends and I dressed up in festive holiday attire and all ran the race together. My friend's husband watched the kiddos while the rest of us ran. He only had them for 30 minutes so it wasn't terribly taxing but still, it was amazing.

After the race was over, we went over to a restaurant in the neighborhood and had brunch together. Christopher played with the other kids and I got to enjoy some quality time with friends. Awesome day.

In 2014 I'm going to do my best to have more social fun times like this because I just felt SO good. Running is healthy and such a great stress reliever and the kiddo had fun too.

Happy Holidays everyone!

xoxo Jackie

Happy Birthday Christopher

“When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five, I was just alive.
But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.” 
― A.A. Milne, Now We Are Six

Today is my little man's 6th birthday and he is SO excited! He woke me up at 3:55am today, ready to start his day, wondering where his presents were. I, on the other hand, was not quite so ready to start my day so the little man was led back to bed and told to sleep. Then we both proceeded to oversleep, which meant running around crazed at 7am so the kiddo could make it to school on time.

Where are Christopher's presents right now? At the store because I haven't had the time to shop yet. I took today off from work and I'm going to go to Target in a bit and pick him up a bunch of Angry Birds toys. My sister did send him a present that arrived on Wednesday and I hid it in my closet so Christopher wouldn't see it. I know for a fact he would have sneaked in there and opened it when my back was turned otherwise. 

I told Christopher he was getting clothes for his birthday, which of course made him yell "NOOOO!" so hopefully he'll be pleasantly surprised when he actually gets toys.

His birthday party isn't until January 18th, which means he gets to enjoy quite the "perpetual birthday" this year. I rented the therapy pool at the YMCA and didn't realize you've got to rent it two months ahead, since it's so popular. I figured it's better to wait until after the holidays anyway, when life's a bit less insane. That's what I tell myself at least so I don't feel guilty about putting off his party for over a month.

I will take the kiddo out for a late lunch and then he'll come home and open his presents. Don't worry...this kid will still celebrate today.

Happy birthday Christopher! Mama loves you. xoxo