There's a Kindergarten Graduate In The House!

Today was the last day of school and great news...Christopher graduated Kindergarten. He will be going to First Grade next fall. Hooray!

It hasn't always been an easy year but I have to say that the school, the teachers and the after-school program have (mostly) been great. He has received excellent medical care and therapeutic services as well. All of this has worked together to make my kiddo the Kindergarten success that he is.

Christopher started off the school year with a diagnosis of ADHD and Learning Disability NOS (not otherwise specified) from Boston Children's Hospital. He tested at the Borderline Retarded level for some areas. I was really concerned.

So we start with medication for the ADHD and miraculously, the learning starts to go through the roof. Christopher wasn't suffering from a learning disability or mental retardation. His brain was just going way too fast and he needed something to help slow it down so he could learn. That is where the stimulant medication came in. He takes it in the morning before heading off to school and he's able to pay attention and focus now on school work long enough to learn. It's amazing.

Christopher can read, write and perform simple math. In his report card, he received mostly "Satisfactory's" and his teacher wrote that his understanding of topics is at grade level. That's a testament to great medication and hard work and patience from his teachers but let's also give Christopher some of the credit. He worked hard this year! I am very proud of my little man.

On his report card, there were a few instances of "Progressing" that still requires some work. Christopher's less mature than other children in his class and that's due to his trauma history. When he gets frustrated he will often start crying...sometimes very loudly. I still get the occasional temper tantrum. It's a little weird to see these behaviors of a toddler coming out of a child of nearly 7 years old but he's got a lot of early childhood trauma to work through. He also has ADHD and that presents some challenges as well. But he's in good hands I believe so I think he'll get there.

So congratulations Christopher! Now let's have a great summer.

The ADHD Mom and Children's Parties: No Fun!

As many of my readers know, my son was diagnosed last September with ADHD and we've had a great deal of success using a multi-pronged approach of diet, structure and medication to treat it. Our normal day to day lives are so much easier now because of that approach. And that's a very very good thing.

What are you supposed to do when you can't follow your normal routine though? Do you keep your child from going to parties that would be fun for him but a nightmare for you? Or do you say let's let him have this one day of fun and you just suck it up because you want to give your kid a "normal" life?

Case in point: Friday night starting at 6pm, Christopher's school had the end of the school year "Spring Fling". It was an ice cream party (no real food) with lots of sugar and artificial dye, loud music and crazy loud little kids running around screaming. Describing the evening as "chaotic" would be an accurate assessment.

I was nervous about the event and also tired from a long week of being a hard working career-building single mom. But how could I say no to Christopher going when all his friends would be there? He'd cry on Monday if he missed this opportunity.

I will say though that the event as well as the next 24 hours were no fun for me. First of all, the party was at the end of a long week and Christopher was tired. It's a lot harder to control yourself if you're tired. Also, his meds had long since worn off so he didn't even have that going for him. The party was SO loud and so Christopher was completely over-stimulated. Not to mention, Christopher ate so much sugar...for dinner. This kid is normally on a gluten free, dye free, processing free diet so for him to eat all this crap with nothing healthy in his stomach was basically like giving him crack as a snack and letting him loose on society. He was a whirling dervish of chaos waiting to happen.

As much as I hate the idea of being a helicopter parent, I had to shadow Christopher the entire party to ensure he didn't hurt himself or the other kids. To make it even more "fun", the school provided these blow up beach toys in the shape of ice cream cones and the sun. This picture below isn't the exact toy but it's similar. They're made out of the same material as a blow-up beach ball and Christopher and the other high energy boys spent the evening pummeling each other with them. I had to pull another kid off him multiple times, his best friend was so wound up he was literally jumping off of furniture with them and Christopher kept whacking kids to the point that I was afraid he'd hurt someone.

Fun right???

We finally left after 2 hours and went home. I walked the dog, gave Christopher some real food, got him a bath and let him unwind for a bit watching the Kindle. By the time he got into bed, it was 10pm, which is a full hour past his normal bed time. He was exhausted. So was I.

The real fun began on Saturday after Christopher woke up at 5:30am with only 8.5 hours of sleep. He was off schedule, off diet and now didn't have enough sleep and we had to go to soccer at 8:30. Normally he is an amazing little soccer player but this day he was whiny, sluggish and cranky. I was tired and cranky too, so that was not a great combo; even worse considering I'm the coach of the team. I had to send him into a time out at the other end of the field at one point, screaming and crying, leaving my team behind. Thank goodness I have an assistant coach who could take over for me. Sometimes, I really wonder what the parents of the other kids think about us.

After the soccer debacle, I canceled plans for the rest of the day and took Christopher home. I was hoping he'd nap but no, he was just all sorts of cranky all afternoon. Considering I had also been awake since 5:30, I was pretty cranky too. Ugh.

Nothing made me happier than putting Christopher to bed at his normal 9pm bedtime last night. I went to bed soon thereafter and we both woke up in much better spirits today. Thankfully it's still the weekend and we have another nice day to enjoy outside.

Meanwhile, tomorrow (Monday), one of Christopher's friends has a birthday party starting at 5pm. I'm like, are you kidding? A party for 6 and 7 year olds on a Monday night? Initially I had RSVP'd yes for the party but I think after the weekend's festivities, I've changed my mind and will RSVP no. It's one thing to have a party and then have the weekend to recover. It's a whole other story to do this on a Monday and then have to go to school (and work) all tired and cranky for the next four days. No thank you.

But now it's time to get outside and enjoy this great weather. Happy Sunday to all.

School Rules: Keeping Kids Safe or Overreacting?

I had a rough Monday with the kiddo's school and it really got me thinking about the role that schools play in caring for our children vs what parents want for our children.

Early Monday morning, I got a call from Christopher's Kindergarten teacher. She told me that she noticed an scabbed-over injury on Christopher's wrist and she wanted to know what it was. An injury? I was confused. Don't all little boys get scrapes and scabs on them? I didn't know what it was off the top of my head. He'd been active all weekend, with a play date at Imajine That on Saturday and 90 minutes of soccer on Sunday. It really could have happened at any time. On top of that, really what business is it of hers to call me and ask why my highly active 6 year old son had a boo boo?

When I told her I wasn't sure what it was as it really could have come from anywhere, she tosses out, "well it looks like a cigarette burn to me and I'm going to take Christopher down to the nurse's office to have it assessed."

I'm sorry...what? A cigarette burn??? I very pointedly told her that there was no way Christopher had a cigarette burn on his wrist. And I certainly didn't appreciate the insinuation that I'm burning my child with cigarettes. She told me, "well I just have to be honest with you." And then she said she was off to the nurse's office to have Christopher's wrist examined.

I got off the phone and asked my manager sitting next to me, "did I just get accused of child abuse?" Not only am I wondering what the hell this injury is but now I have to worry that the school is launching an investigation into my parenting? Seriously?

I was pretty upset about this so I called the Principal. He said he would look into it. About half an hour later, he called me back and told me that the nurse deemed the injury to be a "scrape". I literally laughed out loud. A scrape? I am upset, wasting time out of my busy work day with back and forth with the school because my active 6 year old has a scrape on his wrist? This is how we best use our time?

I spoke with the teacher and the Para at the end of the day and was told that whenever a child has a visible injury (bump, bruise or scrape, etc.) that the teacher will call the parent to find out what it is and if she doesn't get the answers she needs from the parents, she will escalate by taking the child to the school nurse and the assistant principal to have the injury assessed. So yes, after I wasn't immediately forthcoming, my child's 1/4" scab was assessed by both the school nurse and the assistant principal.

Oh and when I spoke to the teacher she said, "we have noticed another injury...between his fingers." You know what that turned out to be? Magic marker! Seriously. They are investigating coloring injuries now. Talk about overreacting.

Okay so no one understands the importance of keeping kids safe more than I do. I became a mom to Christopher because his birth mom was not able to keep him safe. However, there are ways to handle this and there are ways to overreact. And the school, in my opinion, overreacted.

Do you really need to know what every scrape is? Really? I would suggest taking that sort of notification down a notch.

Also, perhaps treat the parent like a partner and not as a child abuser. A little kindness on the phone goes a long way: "hey Miss Ecker, I'm just calling to check on Christopher. He seems to have some sort of a scrape on his wrist and we like to follow up on things like that, if that's okay. Do you remember how he got hurt?" Leave out any mention of a cigarette burn if in fact you have no idea what it is. Especially if you haven't even seen the nurse yet. The teacher told me Christopher has a cigarette burn but the nurse said it was a scrape. Those are two very, very different things.

For the record, when I picked Christopher up, he remembered that he got the scrape when he was going down the slide on his belly at Imajine That. This is an indoor playspace near our house where we had a play date last weekend. He didn't tell me about it at the time because it didn't hurt. And he didn't want to stop having fun.

Christopher loves his Kindergarten Para and he feels comfortable in his class. He likes his friends and the structure of the classroom. So I'm not going to move him into another class. However, I will say that this experience was rough for me. I work very hard to give Christopher a good life and you know, a little positive reinforcement would be kind of nice. I don't ask for praise but I could sure live without unverified accusations, thank you very much.

Anyway, as I told the teacher on Monday afternoon, I'd like to put this behind us and move on. There are only a few more months in this school year and let's just get through it shall we? I'm not happy but I'm no going to keep being upset so I might as well just move on. I learned a little something about dealing with the schools this week though and I won't forget that, that's for sure.

What Birthdays are Like When You have an ADHD and Sensory Seeking Child

This past weekend we celebrated Christopher's birthday. His actual birth date is December 6th but with the craziness of the holidays, not to mention the fact that I waited too long to reserve a birthday site, we ended up celebrating the big day in January. I rented the therapy pool at the local YMCA and afterwards had pizza, cake and presents in the Big Room. Hey you only turn 6 once so I wanted Christopher to live large!

I don't really know any of Christopher's classmates so I thought this might be a great opportunity to meet the parents and maybe be able to set up some play dates for the future. So i decided to invite his entire class, plus the Kindergarteners in the before school and after school program. That means in addition to my friends and their kids, I had a guest list of 30 kids. That freaked me out a little because all those kids would come with at least one parent and possibly a sibling and the thought of 60+ people at our party was a little overwhelming to me.

What really happened was that hardly anyone RSVPed at first, so I actually started wondering if anyone was going to come at all. So of course that stressed me out. Ultimately we ended up with 10 kids plus their parents so in the end it was actually a really good sized group with some great people. But I was still receiving RSVPs once I had already arrived at the venue so they sure did leave me hanging.

Unfortunately for me, I have been battling a cold for the last week and I woke up the morning of the party feeling really lousy. I didn't want to get out of bed at all. So I didn't until 12:30, when I absolutely had to go shower. I had to make some semblance of an effort to look civilized after all.

Initially I wanted to go to the YMCA ahead of time to decorate the room but I just didn't have it in me. I did make it to the store to pick up Christopher's cake, which looked really awesome. He really does love Angry Birds so the party theme was pretty easy:

Christopher is normally gluten free and artificial dye free but I let him have a "normal" cake for the party because I thought, hey how much could it hurt? Plus he had two friends coming with nut allergies and I didn't want any allergic reactions and ambulance trips at our party. It's funny. You know your own child has a severe sensitivity to gluten and artificial dye but as the mom, you cater to the other kids' needs, even though you know it's going to be rough on your kiddo. And so with that in mind, I went with a marble cake and fun colorful icing. The kids loved it. Christopher was thrilled at the time.

Unfortunately for me, the fun times didn't last. We had about 1/3 of the cake left over and like an idiot I brought the rest home so Christopher could polish it off. Waste not, want not and all that. I figured when we got home from the party, he'd crash hard from all the activity but it was the exact opposite actually. He was bouncing off the walls. Meanwhile, I was the one exhausted but couldn't lie down because I had "play with me play with me play with me" on indefinite loop being yelled into my ear.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson and just tossed that dye-filled cake. But nooo I let Christopher have these "treats" all through he long weekend. And as a result, for the rest of the weekend, Christopher was extremely argumentative, aggressive and all sorts of tantrum-y. I literally couldn't wait to go back to work on Tuesday after a 3-day holiday weekend with the kiddo where he alternately yelled, screamed and defied, in addition to repeatedly telling me he hated me. I walked into work on Tuesday on the verge of tears.

What I've learned is that from now on, we have cupcakes with a butter cream frosting. I can add cake toppers to make them look special and if I absolutely need a fun color, I can buy organic natural dye on Amazon.

Thankfully for us, the majority of kids didn't come so the 10 kids that did show represented a great number. Christopher could handle 10 kids. 30 kids would definitely have been rough on my over-stimulated kid.

Thankfully I at least have great photos so hopefully with time I only remember the good and forget all about the bad with that darn cake. Here is a photo of Christopher's friends singing him happy birthday. He's not smiling because he's just soooo overstimulated here:

In the end, it was a mostly successful party and I am glad I had it at a venue that did the majority of the work for me. If I had had to clean my house and make all the food and organize the kids for a backyard party, I think I would have cried. I do recommend the YMCA as a party venue for the 6 year old crowd and would absolutely do it again, if I were to do the whole day over.

In a nutshell, this is what I learned throwing a 6th birthday party for my sensory seeking ADHD kiddo:

1. Make sure the venue isn't too overwhelming. I wouldn't recommend Chuckie Cheese's because it's just total sensory overload. Swimming worked well for my son because he finds the water very calming. But some kids with SPD issues cannot handle the sensation of water so well. Make sure you do what works best for your child.
2. If your child is normally gluten free, casein free, dye free, organic...whatever...make sure you stick with it at the party or else you risk a major meltdown. 
3. There are GREAT ideas on Pinterest for cakes for the ADHD and SPD kiddo with the special diet, so if you're looking for ideas, I suggest you try there
4. Cupcakes are a great idea if you need to accommodate gluten allergies and nut allergies. You could make one batch of cupcakes GFCF cupcakes and one batch of "regular". Make sure they all have butter cream frosting though so that the kids don't fight for the "cool colors". Also, make sure that the cupcakes are all correctly labeled so nobody accidentally ends up with the wrong type
5. Keep the guest list small. Too many attendees means you risk total sensory overload
6. Do what you can to limit overhead noise. If you don't need blaring music, don't have it
7. No candy! Unless you want to see a meltdown happen in 5...4....3....2....1...
8. The party should not be longer than two hours. Anything more and the kiddo would get overloaded

And that's my birthday experience for yet another year. Until next year...happy happy birthday Christopher!

What a Rough Week!

I am so glad this week is over and I'm sure my kiddo is glad too.

Christopher came home from school with notes every single day this week. Here is a roundup of our less than stellar week:

Monday: Threw pencils at kids across the room
Tuesday: Hitting, biting, pushing and spitting on kids in the after school program
Wednesday: I didn't even read the note
Thursday: Kicked a girl in the head in the after-school program
Friday: Crying in class; Jumped on friend because he wanted the book she had in her hands

Aaahhh the joys of an ADHD former-foster kid.

What happened this week? We had been doing so well the last few months and now it seems almost like we're back at square one again. I do have some theories:

1. Christopher's therapy is about to end and the therapy team told him on Monday that he was going to "graduate" next week. Christopher has lost two therapists before these two because they had left the practice to get new jobs. Each time Christopher transitioned away from the old therapist to a new therapist, he acted out in ways similar to the above. It makes sense that Tuesday was his worst day because that was the day after he was told he was losing Mary and Mike.
   
   I asked Christopher on Wednesday evening if losing Mike and Mary was upsetting him and he said yes. I also asked him if he thought he was going to be taken away again and he said yes to that as well. Ugh. So my child is acting out because he's afraid he's going to taken away and put into another stranger's foster home. What a heartbreaking thought. I can't imagine always being afraid that I was going to lose my home and my family but this is the reality for so many kids unfortunately. Thankfully that's not the reality for MY kid though and I reassured him that this was his forever home and that he was stuck with me.
   
   It's frustrating because clearly this kid needs some sort of help but what do you do when the services your child gets to help him with his trauma history is what is actually causing the problems? I can talk to the therapists but what can they do? They're "graduating" him next week. Then we're on our own. Not really what I need but it is what it is.
   
   I spoke with Christopher's teacher and she said he could see the therapist at the school if he has an IEP. We are scheduled for IEP testing later this month so hopefully he qualifies and can start receiving services through the school.
   
   
2. After being off school for two weeks, Christopher is way off of his routine. Christopher does not do well at all when he's off his routine. He may need some time to re-adjust to his long days at school and the after-school program again. Lots of kids. Lots of stimulation. And lots of being tired by the end of the day. All those factors can be rough on a kid with ADHD. Hopefully he adjusts next week.
   
   
3. I may have forgotten to give Christopher his ADHD medication on Tuesday. Oops on my part. I too am off my normal routine and with trying to remember so many different things in the morning, I think I forgot possibly one of the most important. After his tough day on Tuesday though, I will never let that mistake happen again.

We'll see if next week is better and I truly hope it is, or else I'll have to figure something out. We'll see. Wish us lots of luck. I think we may just need it.

Just a Quick Update on the Family

It's been a while since I provided an update on what's been going on in the life and times of my little Christopher so I thought I'd provide one here.

For the most part, all is going well. Christopher has responded well to his strict diet and to his medication so he is able to focus better in school and he's not nearly so hyperactive. I dread the day (if it ever comes) that he builds up an immunity to his meds because they have been a total godsend to us. We'll just address that day if and when it arrives I guess. In the meantime, I am so relieved when he sits on the sofa, quietly reading a book, like he's doing right now.

I did give Christopher some Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup yesterday, which probably has dye and gluten and all sorts of crap preservatives in it, but he wasn't feeling well and I wanted to give him some comfort food to make him happy. All the hyper behaviors came back within an hour though so it's clear that diet plays a big role in managing his ADHD. I will just need to be stricter going forward.

I emailed Christopher's social worker the other day to ask how I could get the DCF subsidy reinstated now that we have a diagnosis. She wrote me back with the name and contact information of who to speak with in the subsidies unit and I will give that woman a call tomorrow. It's not a ton of money but every little bit helps.

I've also got paperwork to fill out so that the kiddo can be tested at school for special ed services. I'm not sure if he'll qualify as it seems the bar is set pretty low but I can only try and see how it goes. He still really needs a lot of 1:1 attention both at school and at home on his work and I want to make sure that this need is documented so that he gets it going forward.

As for me, right now I am getting over a cold and also feel a little like all I do is go to work and come home and care for my kiddo but I do have a few days coming up with the holidays so I look forward to that. I have to admit, I was not performing my best parenting yesterday mostly because I was just plain exhausted. It didn't help that Christopher was up at 3:30 this morning, trying to watch television. I had to get up and put him back to bed and stay awake till he finally fell back to sleep. I'm still feeling a bit worn out but hopefully I can get some decent sleep tonight.

We are leaving in an hour to go to the first birthday party for a new friend from Kindergarten and my kiddo is super excited. It's for a little girl and I bought her a Barbie Styling Head as a birthday gift. Hope she likes it. What little girl doesn't love Barbie?

And that's it for us. Hope everyone is having a great day.

xoxo

Parenting Tips for Raising an ADHD Child

I've seen that there are so many parents like myself struggling with how to provide the best care to our ADHD children for optimal results. I am blessed because I have worked hard to give my ADHD kid the assistance he needs and the results have been tremendous. My son went from being highly aggressive, disruptive and in constant time outs. He would complain that kids didn't want to play with him and parents would either glare or yell at me on the playground. My kiddo also had lots of trouble focusing in school.

Fast forward to today and now he has friends, he loves sports, rarely gets put into a time out anymore and does well in school. The difference in my child is actually pretty huge.

This journey wasn't quick or easy but it can be done and some of the results are immediate, which will make it worthwhile right out of the gate. My son is living proof. So that said, I thought I would share some of the tactics I've used to help the kiddo be a successful, meaningful, happy member of the community.

Medication

Some kids' ADHD symptoms can be managed without medication but my child is not one of those kids. I give him 10 mg of Metadate CD and it has made a world of difference. Before medication, he lacked impulse control which resulted in him hitting, pushing and scratching children, mostly when he was really excited. He also had trouble focusing in school. Now that he takes meds, he can control himself and focus better in school. I've seen the dramatic difference and so have my friends.

I only give my son enough medication to make it through the school day and just deal with the crazy child when he's home with me in the evening. That way he is able to sleep at night. I've heard that insomnia is a symptom of medication and I definitely want my child sleeping at night. Right now he sleeps like a ROCK so that's good.

Just so you know, the idea of medication initially scared me because I heard about all these terrible side effects. However if you can keep the dosage low, there are no side effects, at least with our meds. Also, you need a top-notch medication like Metadate. I'm lucky that our insurance covers its cost because I've heard that not all parents' insurance plans qualify. I'm sorry to hear that. I was lucky in that the first med we tried works wonders for my kiddo but I do understand that for some families, that is not the case. Please be patient and work with your doctor to get your child the help he/she needs. The child will thank you for it in the end.

Diet

We are gluten free, dye free and I limit the amount of processed sugar my child can have. We are heavy into the Paleo lifestyle (lots of protein, fruits and veggies and very organic). This has worked wonders for my kiddo and also allows us to keep the medication dosage low, so that we don't have any issues with side effects. Even before I started the medication, I noticed a difference in his behaviors. He was still impulsive but not nearly as aggressive. So the clean diet has eliminated about 60% of the problem and the low dosage of Metadate does the rest.

Just an FYI, if you're going for a clean diet, you'll need extra time at the grocery store because you are now going to be reading every. single. label. This takes times. Also, you'll need to know where all the truly healthy food is shelved and this also adds to the time you need. It's confusing and time consuming, but so worth it in the end.

Vitamins

I give my son a dye-free multi-vitamin called Yummi Gummy Bears. Yes I know that there is sugar in the gummies but it's such a small gummy and the kiddo thinks it's a treat because it tastes so yummy. I just have to make sure he brushes his teeth well after eating one.

Side note: I had tried out the Omega-3 and DHA gummy but discovered it made my son super sleepy. I noticed it but thought at first he was just fighting off a bug or something. But then it became so bad that his Kindergarten teacher actually emailed me to say he was "foggy" in school, so I immediately stopped giving it to him. I don't know why this happened but I just wanted to let people know in case you experience this for yourselves.

Magnesium vs. Melatonin

Some ADHD kids have trouble sleeping and I've discovered that Magnesium is a GREAT cure for insomnia. My son doesn't suffer from insomnia but I have all my life. I've started taking magnesium every evening and now sleep SO well. I've also discovered that it has cured my migraines, which I had been getting daily due to the changing seasons. I have read that 50% of migraine sufferers have a magnesium deficiency so there's apparently a known correlation. So if you have migraines, you might want to try magnesium as well.

Side note: Some parents choose to give their kids melatonin for sleeping but I've read you should not do this on a daily basis. It takes away the body's ability to naturally get tired on its own. Plus, kids will eventually build up a tolerance and will need a higher and higher dosage. I've read about kids getting nightmares from the higher dosages so I stay away from all that. Magnesium is definitely a much better way to go.

Regarding magnesium, you could give a supplement or give your child (or yourself) a lavender Epsom bath of no longer than 20 minutes (or else you start to sweat it back out). Epsom salts are full of magnesium and so a bath is a healthy, relaxing way to get the magnesium you or your child needs to sleep.

Exercise

My very active son needs tons of exercise. If he doesn't get exercise starting first thing in the morning, he often gets himself into trouble. Unfortunately, "first thing" to my child is often 6am so as a mom who is NOT a morning person, this has been rough. I've had to change my own ways in order to accommodate the needs of my child and I do it because that's what we moms do. So if you find your ADHD kiddo acting out in the morning, make sure they're getting the exercise they need to provide an outlet for all that energy. The saying, "idle hands are the devil's workshop" is SO very true for ADHD kids!

My son goes to the before-school program at 7:15 every morning. He LOVES it. Why? Because he gets to run around the gym for an hour before he has to sit for several hours at a time. It gets all that little boy hyper energy out so that he has the ability to sit still for the rest of the day.

Sports

My kiddo is active in the town's U6 soccer league and also takes swimming lessons at the YMCA. Side note: Soccer only worked well once we started medication because he needed that impulse control that medication provided. He stopped hitting and pushing the other kids, made friends, scored goals and felt great about himself. The fall session of soccer has ended but we are already signed up for the winter session, which starts in January.

Swimming was great even before we started medication. Quite honestly, my son cannot hit or push kids if he's swimming because he needs both of his hands just to keep himself afloat. Plus, it wears him out, which is pretty huge for a hyperactive kiddo. If you're having trouble with energy and impulse control for your ADHD kid, I highly recommend swimming as an activity.

Become an ally with your child's teacher

Your child spends a good chunk of his or her day at school and the teacher is a big component of whether your child will fail or succeed in life. You need a strong relationship with your child's teacher. You may not always agree with them but you do need to listen to them. And you need to know how to effectively communicate with them so your child's needs are met without creating any animosity. Too many parents go into school demanding to get their way and that is not the way to handle the situation.

Work with your school and don't fight them unless they are blatantly disregarding the needs of your child. This does happen of course and there are resources out there to help you if that does happen. However I think the first effort at working together needs to occur with open communication.

Setting your child up for success in the classroom

Also, remember that your child is only one of at least 15 kids that the teacher oversees. If your child is hitting other kids and can't be controlled in the classroom, it disrupts all the other kids and that certainly isn't fair to anyone. Do what you need to do to make sure that your child is calm and focused before entering the classroom. That includes ensuring they have enough sleep at night, have a healthy, protein-filled diet (no artificial dyes and processed sugar!) and medication, if necessary. You as a parent have a role to play in ensuring the success of your child in the classroom. Take that responsibility seriously.

The right school services

My son is in an integrated Kindergarten, which means the class size is smaller and there is more focused attention. This has worked wonders for my kiddo because he is getting the help he needs to succeed in his school work.

Individual Education Plans (IEPs) vs. 504s

We are also in the process of getting testing for my son for special education services. His doctor at Children's Hospital thinks he will qualify for an IEP because of his ADHD and so I've got a mountain of paperwork to fill out right now, sitting on my dresser. I will take care of that this weekend.

I honestly don't know anything about a 504 but have read that they exist. I know you can have an IEP or a 504 but not both. But that's really all I do know. If you want to learn more about this option, you will need to research that on your own.

Structure and routine

I have discovered that the structure and routine of school makes a huge difference in my son's behaviors. I actually paid a boat-load of money for a nanny over the summer, thinking that my son needed a break from all that routine but it turned out that this wasn't the best choice for him. It was crazy expensive for me and my son's behaviors actually got worse because he didn't have a strict routine anymore. Once school started again, he was so much better behaved and honestly, really quite happy. He tells me he loves school and that thrills me. And it's a lot cheaper for me too. So win-win all around.

Take care of basic needs first

Is your child hungry, tired or over-stimulated? Is he/she getting enough positive attention from you? Or is your child in need of exercise and thus acting out? Many times an outburst can be avoided if you realize what your child needs and act accordingly. Yes, sometimes that's very hard to do because hey, you want to focus on yourself occasionally. But if you do, just know that your kiddo will probably act out in reaction. No one said parenting an ADHD kid was easy.

Get help when you need it

There are times when your child's needs are bigger than you. That's when you need to get outside help. For example, my family receives weekly in-home therapy to help me manage my son's impulsive behaviors at home. My son also attends weekly play therapy to help him work through his issues and he also has a therapeutic mentor, which is kind of like a Big Brother but comes with a social worker degree. These services have been huge for us as a family and I can honestly say that Christopher is a much different, much better child today than he was when he came to live with me two years ago as a foster child. I am also a better parents because of it. I can't rave enough about the services we've received.

Discipline

ADHD is a diagnosis, not an excuse and you as a parent need to set firm boundaries and follow through on punishment, as appropriate. Your child needs to respect you as a parent and also needs to understand the consequences of their actions, if they break the rules. 

We follow the 1-2-3 Magic plan and it works well for us. If I start counting "mississippi's", my son knows to stop whatever he's doing before I get to "5 mississippi's", or else he will face the consequences. The consequences generally mean he loses out on something he loves so you may have to take away whatever that reward is a few times before your kid realizes, hey, mom isn't kidding. It's no fun to listen to your child scream and cry but once again, no one ever said parenting an ADHD kid was easy.

Time Outs

If my child is feeling over-stimulated and acting out he gets a time out in his room. I set the timer on the stove for 5 minutes (one minute per year of his age) and if he tries to come out early, I add a minute to the timer. That has worked well to calm him down but also give me a few minutes to calm down as well. Hey, sometimes we parents need as much of a break as the kids do!

Lots and lots of love, encouragement and patience

ADHD kids often lack self-esteem because of their behavioral issues and inability to focus in school. They want to be good but just don't always know how to be. So that's where patience and extra amounts of hugs and kisses come in, to make sure our kiddos know we still love them no matter what they do. My son feels insecure sometimes and he needs a lot of extra reassurance that I will always love him, forever and ever. Just this morning at 6am he starts jumping on my bed and I told him as calmly as I could, "if I get mad at you, I will yell and you don't want that. So please stop jumping on my bed before I get really angry". The kiddo immediately stopped jumping but started crying, saying I didn't love him anymore. I needed to reassure him that of course I still love him but that he needs to listen to mommy too. That worked and he went into the other room to watch Henry Hugglemonster on Disney Jr. I got another 30 minutes of sleep after that, so all was good. Win-win all around.

Get Time for yourself when you need it

Being a parent of an ADHD kid can certainly be exhausting and sometimes you need some fun time as well. That's why I love babysitters! I've got a weekly babysitter who comes every Monday night, who plays with my son and allows me to go shopping, out to dinner with friends or to the gym. Whatever it is I choose to do, it's always about ME. Sometimes we need that and you should never ever feel bad about looking out for your own needs. I think taking a break helps make me a better parent.

Remember...you're only human

Raising an ADHD kid is tough! In writing all the stuff above about how I'm able to help my son, I want you to know that it's not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes I'm tired or stressed or just running late and I will yell at my son. Nothing vicious...just more along the lines of, I TOLD you to put your shoes on! Do it NOW!!" Some days I feel overwhelmed by life and those are the days I just want to cry. And you know what? That's okay too. Something else I've been battling lately is that I'm just reeeallly tired. Like all the time. My little "alarm clock" wakes me up at 6am every day, regardless of the day of the week and unfortunately, he doesn't come with a snooze button. When he's ready to go, it's time to get up. And right now, I'm feeling so worn out because of it. So we're going to have a quiet afternoon today. The thing is, you do the best you can and try to be kind to yourself when you can't be Super Mom 24x7.

These are just a few of the ways I am able to best care for my ADHD kiddo but honestly, I could write a book on the subject. And maybe someday I will! In the meantime, I hope these tips were helpful and be sure to share any feedback on what works for you and your ADHD family.

Diet Fail This Week

Christopher got into trouble at school this week for pushing kids. Plus I realized he was acting out at home again. I actually had to put him into a time out the other day for the first time in weeks. This surprised me because he had been doing so well.  But soon I realized this was entirely my fault. I had gotten lazy on enforcing his diet and he ended up eating gluten and artificial dyes, which make him act aggressively. I know this and yet I still let it happen. Bad mommy!

My kid had been doing so well... SO well on his gluten free, artificial dye free diet. He was listening and respectful and he was keeping his hands to himself. I know he still had the impulsive thoughts (because he told me so) but he was able to override while he followed the elimination diet.

However this week, I knew he was getting a Pop-tart each day during the after-school program and I didn't stop it. I also saw that one of the kids had a birthday and brought in Blow Pops for each of the kids in the program to take. I let Christopher have one so I wouldn't seem like the "mean mommy". On another day, the kids played Bingo and when each child won a round, they'd get a lollipop. So Christopher had yet another no-no food this week and I allowed it because I didn't want to be mean.

Last but not least, I *thought* I had bought gluten free ice cream cones at Whole Foods but I bought organic, wheat-based cones instead. So every night, I think I'm giving Christopher a healthy GF treat for dessert and lo and behold, instead I'm actually contributing to the problem. Mommy fail.

After being told that Christopher's behavioral issues had returned and seeing his hyperactivity for myself, I realized I needed to be super strict with his diet. This mom had learned her lesson the hard way but I learned!

So now I will provide a Gluten-free, artificial dye-free snack + dye-free juice to the after school program every day. I'm also throwing away the remaining ice cream cones. Lastly, when Christopher comes home with a dye-filled piece of candy, I'll just switch it out with an approved treat. He really likes Lucy's Brownie Cakes so I will always keep a stash of those in the house. They're a bit pricey but I think all kids should still be able to enjoy tasty treats and this also helps me not feel like "mean mommy".

So now Christopher's week-day diet will look something like this:

Breakfast

Chocolate milk

Sliced fruit

Handful of garbanzo beans

Lunch

Honest Kids Juice (favorite flavor is grape)

Two turkey roll-ups

Sliced fruit

School Snack

Pirate Booty

After School Program Snack

Honest Kids Juice 

Lucy's chocolate brownie

Ta da! This will work. Christopher will still have a fun, tasty treat with the other kids while also ensuring that he maintains a strict diet that helps regulate his behaviors more effectively. So we'll just have to see how it goes. Wish us luck....

We Survived Our First Week of Kindergarten and Lived to Write About It

My kiddo made it through his first week of Kindergarten and all I can say is ... so far so good.

The schedule is rough on both of us though. The school is locked except for a few times of day and I can only drop him off or pick him up at these mandated times: 7:00 am, 8:10 am, 2:15 pm, 4:15 pm and 5:30 pm. (We live in a really nice neighborhood but Sandy Hook was in a really nice neighborhood too. 'nuff said).

Since I need an hour to get to and from work (thanks to the god-awful public transportation system in metro Boston whose on time rate is somewhere in the single digits), I have to drop Christopher off at 7am and can't pick him up until 5:30. That's a long day. But what's this single mom supposed to do? I have to work.

By Friday, my kid was literally falling asleep in class. And when Christopher is really tired, he has more trouble managing his behaviors so his impulsivity comes out, which is never a good thing. I opened his backpack on Friday night to see a note from his teacher saying that he punched Nicholas in the head while the kids were lining up for dismissal. Yeesh. Thankfully, this was an isolated incident after an entire week at school so I'm not panicking...yet.

Christopher's always been an afternoon napper so it's going to be an adjustment to go for a whole day without that added sleep. He's very used to our go to bed routine of 9pm but I started putting him to bed 15 minutes earlier incrementally so he can get the extra sleep he needs overnight. So far it's actually working and he's been asleep every night since Friday 30 minutes earlier than usual. Hopefully this helps.

Christopher is doing great in school though. He actually loves it, which is a huge relief to this momma. After three days he was already coming home with small books that he needs to read to me. My kid has started reading after three days of Kindergarten and he loves it!!

Plus in the before-school program he is running around, playing dodge ball with the other kids, so he gets all that little boy hyperactive energy out of his system before he has to sit down and be still for learning. It actually works out really well for him and honestly, I might keep him in the before-school program even when I don't need to as it's a great energy release for him.

All in all, I'm impressed with the Forestdale School and with Christopher's Kindergarten teacher and program. I do wish I had more flexibility with pick up and drop off but after Newtown I get it. Safety is so important. Let's hope the rest of the year goes equally well.

Happy First Day of Kindergarten!

We made it through the first day of Kindergarten today. When I picked up Christopher this afternoon, I asked him how it was and his answer was...boring.

Well at least he wasn't crying or begging me never to take him back. I didn't get a note from the teacher to please see her and no one got injured. So I'll take "boring" I guess.

Here's a picture of my little man on his way to start his Big Day!

Happy Labor Day!

Today is Labor Day in the US and I will celebrate the holiday by only doing the "mom" part of my usual "working mom" job. Thankfully it started off well...my son let me sleep all the way to 7:00 am today. That's like sleeping until noon in pre-kid life. Haha!

I actually really needed this three-day week because my job has really burnt me out. Yes I know it's only been a few weeks since I came back from vacation but they have been some pretty intense weeks. Sadly, I don't see it getting any easier in the foreseeable future, either.

I am a business analyst for an global financial services firm located in downtown Boston. I work in the Marketing Department and specialize in systems that create productivity and revenue lift for the sales and marketing teams. We are short-handed, yet trying to accomplish a lot. Right now I'm in the midst of implementing three different products with two vendors, creating a business case for funding for a new CRM, creating a business case for 2014 funding for the two products that we're implementing now and last but not least...completing the discovery process (i.e. deciding if this is the right fit for us) for a fifth product. Much of this work all has a due date of September 30th and my task list is currently a seven-page Excel spreadsheet. I'm a bit stressed these days. And often exhausted.

Add to this that Christopher starts Kindergarten tomorrow so we'll be completely changing our routine in the midst of all our craziness. Starting tomorrow, I will need to drop him off at 7 am and pick him up at 5:30. That's a long day for a little kid but I don't know what else to do. The school doesn't allow rolling drop-offs and pick ups (doors are locked for safety reasons) so I have to fit my schedule to the school's schedule. With a one-hour commute to work (longer when the T runs with delays, which happens often) I don't have much leeway. It is what it is.

I feel guilty about the long day but I always comfort myself with the knowledge that no matter how tough it is, it's still going to be better than foster care. Also, September will pass and the rest of the year should be a bit easier. Just don't be surprised if you don't hear from me too much this month. We're busy busy busy!

Good Bye Nanny

Today is the last day with our nanny. Christopher starts Kindergarten next week and thus a new adventure, with new caregivers, begins.

Last night there were some tears. "I'm really going to miss Nora" Christopher told me between sniffles. My heart was so sad for him. They shared so many fun adventures and special moments this summer and I know that meant a lot to my little guy. It meant a lot to me too.

I loved hearing about Christopher playing with kids at the local sprinkler park or touching rays in the tank at the Aquarium or going hermit crab hunting at the beach. I also loved how Nora kept Christopher safe this summer and ensured that he was engaged and learning all through the summer. They read together and practiced counting all the way to 100, sometimes by 10s and Nora answered all his questions (because my kid is very inquisitive!)

Christopher has had a lot of loss in his life and he often handles stuff like this by acting out. He become very defiant and argumentative when his therapists each left their practices. That was so hard on him. But he's older now, more settled and definitely more verbal so he's doing much better this time around. There was no acting out...just a few tears and hugs. That's a huge improvement, I have to say.

Christopher seems very excited to start Kindergarten even though he's sad that he won't have his nanny anymore. And I'm excited to see the little man he's becoming as he grows up. And so as one adventure comes to an end, another begins.

A Good Education

Last night, the Malden public school system hosted a free reading event for incoming kindergarteners. I brought Christopher and was excited to see how he acted around so many other kids in a controlled, school environment. Now that I have him on the amended diet, I was hoping he'd make it through without any problems.

I'm happy to report that although after an hour of some really intensive sitting and learning, he was definitely fidgety and touchy and distracted and pretty bored...but not overly disruptive. It's a start.

The event hosted about 50 Malden Kindergarteners and their families. I'd say there are about 300 Kinderarteners going to Malden Public Schools next month so I don't know if that's a great turnout or what but I was impressed that the school system is so motivated to teach our kids.

Malden is a Title I school system, meaning they take Federal money because there is a high percentage of low-income children in our town. The money is supposed to go towards funding programs to assist kids with keeping up with the strict academic standards the state requires. There have been several events over the course of the summer but this is the first one I've brought Christopher to, mainly because he's usually so tired in the evening that I didn't think he'd be able to handle all the sitting. It was a bit bumpy at times but he did well last night though.

The event started off with the Literacy Coordinator from the Ferryway School reading a book to the kids. Then after it was over she asked them questions about the book to spur on their critical thinking. With the first book, she asked questions like, "what would you have done differently" And "how do you think he was feeling when that happened"?

After a second book, the coordinator used four index cards which showed different events that occurred in the book and the kids had to put into order each event on the cards. Kids had to raise their hands and wait their turn to speak, which they clearly weren't used to yet. There was a lot of re-directing but they were all total super cute champs and I was impressed with the program.

During the second half, I will say Christopher did start to act out a bit. This was a full hour into a lot of sitting and boring thinking stuff and he just wanted to know when we were going to get pizza. But as bored as he was, he still wasn't terribly disruptive, although I did have to tell him to be quiet a few times and threaten to take away the Kindle that evening.

When it was all over, the kids got to play on the playground and Christopher had a great time running around with two kids named Rihannon and TJ. I was thrilled because although I needed to watch him, I didn't need to keep on him like a hawk. He played so nicely with the other kids. There was no hitting or biting! He did push a little bit but with some redirection, he stopped. This was huge. After a long day (this was now 7:00 at night) he'd usually melt down and have lots of trouble controlling himself but he was overall pretty great.

Something Christopher has got going for him is that he's a really smart kid and a good education will serve him well. Christopher may have had a lot of early childhood horrible stuff to overcome but now that he's in a loving stable home with lots of firm guidance, he will (hopefully) thrive in school.

I always tell Christopher that he could be president of the United States someday if he wants to be because he's definitely smart enough. He of course tells me that he'd rather be a race car driver or an astronaut and hey, that's fine too. It's good to have options.