I just read an article about a judge in Eastern Tennessee, presiding over a paternity case, who was supposed to determine the kid's last name but instead decided to change the baby's first name from Messiah to Martin. According to the judge, there's only one messiah and apparently this kid ain't Him.
I guess this shocked the mom and she has already announced that she's going to appeal the case. I was actually shocked to read that the name "Messiah" was the number four fastest rising baby name of 2012. Right behind Major and right in front of King. Who knew??
Can't say I agree with a judge's decision to over-ride what the parents want to name their child. I mean, what is this...Iceland??? But it did remind me of when I was in the process of adopting Christopher, how his social worker called me to fill out the adoption paperwork. She asked me, "What do you want to name him."
I asked, "what do you mean?"
And she said, I could change his name if I wanted to. That surprised me because I thought for a four-year-old kid at least, his name was etched in stone. Guess I was wrong.
I thought for a minute and said, no keep it Christopher. This poor kid has had enough change in his life. He doesn't need a new first name on top of it.
Plus, he was having trouble adjusting to the fact that I was going to change his last name so I didn't want to completely rob him of the last bit of his identity that he was able to keep.
Funny, when I told Christopher that he was going to get my last name after the adoption, I thought he'd be excited to have the same last name as his new mommy. The problem was, this meant we were slamming the door shut on his old mommy and that was hard for him. As nasty and abusive as she was, she was still his first mom and letting go was hard. I felt for the kid actually as soon as I realized how much he was hurting.
It took several weeks after the adoption for Christopher to adjust to his new name but adjust he did. Christopher loves his name now and to be honest, I'm not even sure he'd remember what his last name was just a year ago now. I might ask him and see if he remembers.
If you're interested to learn more about baby Messiah...I mean Martin, please click here.
Showing posts with label Parental Rights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parental Rights. Show all posts
Monday, August 12, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
The Dangers of Parental Visitation
There's a story in the news today that a father killed his son and then himself while on a supervised visit in Manchester, NH. These stories make me sad because I can relate all too well. The courts mandate these visits with crazy, violent parents and then everyone wonders how something could have possibly gone wrong. It's just mind boggling sometimes.
Before Christopher's birth mother lost all parental rights, I used to have to take Christopher to supervised visits at the DCF office near her house. This was three hours away from our house and obviously a strain for both Christopher and myself. There was six hours in a car plus the stress and confusion of dealing with a parental visit. Never fun on a good day.
I had asked if we could move these visits to an office closer to us but his social worker said no. She was concerned about her safety. Apparently mom was violent and she didn't know what the mom would do so all visits required an armed guard in the room. The mother's social worker actually had a protective order in place because she had been attacked by the mother. And this is someone I had to bring my child to on a monthly basis? Sigh.
The social workers never worried about Christopher's safety, only their own. However Christopher's social worker did tell me to be careful as well and warned me to stay clear of any place where we might run into his family members. So after the visits, instead of stopping for dinner, we would high tail it back onto the highway and out of town back home.
Thankfully nothing physical ever happened during Christopher's visits but the threat of violence was always there. I think it's crazy that I even had to bring him to visits with such an unstable person. But lucky for us, she lost parental rights soon thereafter and we've never seen her since.
As for the little boy in Manchester, NH, may you rest in peace Joshua Savyon. I hope you are in a better place.
To read more about this story, please click here.
Before Christopher's birth mother lost all parental rights, I used to have to take Christopher to supervised visits at the DCF office near her house. This was three hours away from our house and obviously a strain for both Christopher and myself. There was six hours in a car plus the stress and confusion of dealing with a parental visit. Never fun on a good day.
I had asked if we could move these visits to an office closer to us but his social worker said no. She was concerned about her safety. Apparently mom was violent and she didn't know what the mom would do so all visits required an armed guard in the room. The mother's social worker actually had a protective order in place because she had been attacked by the mother. And this is someone I had to bring my child to on a monthly basis? Sigh.
The social workers never worried about Christopher's safety, only their own. However Christopher's social worker did tell me to be careful as well and warned me to stay clear of any place where we might run into his family members. So after the visits, instead of stopping for dinner, we would high tail it back onto the highway and out of town back home.
Thankfully nothing physical ever happened during Christopher's visits but the threat of violence was always there. I think it's crazy that I even had to bring him to visits with such an unstable person. But lucky for us, she lost parental rights soon thereafter and we've never seen her since.
As for the little boy in Manchester, NH, may you rest in peace Joshua Savyon. I hope you are in a better place.
To read more about this story, please click here.
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