Summertime Ups and Downs

Here we are at the beginning of August already. How is it that summertime flies by so quickly and the winter just churns on and on and on and on and ....

Anyway, we've had a lot of fun this summer and as many great times as we have had, Christopher's been way off his routine more than I had wished. This does create some issues for him too.

For example, when Christopher gets really over-stimulated with lots of activity and other kiddos around, his medication simply stops working. So a few weekends ago when we were up in Maine, you would not even know he was taking meds. He was hitting, kicking and fighting with his cousin which really made me lose my cool a few times.

Also, even though his medication is a 12-hour lasting dose, it does wear off at some point. So here we are at dinner in a lovely restaurant with extended family and Christopher starts to melt down. Loudly. I even had to put my hand over his mouth at one point to keep him from scaring the other patrons because he was that loud. Luckily my family helped out and were able to calm him down because this frazzled mom was staring to feel overwhelmed.

One day this past week Christopher went to bed way too late and woke up way too early so he didn't have enough sleep. That day he was like a walking zombie all day and I felt bad for him. I tried to get him to take a nap but he wouldn't do it, instead just choosing to stare at his toys for a while. This was way out of character for him and I made sure that the following evening he got to bed earlier. His medication really does require that he get enough sleep and this is clearly what happens when he doesn't get it. Poor kiddo.

Last but not least, being off of his normal strict routine seems to exacerbate his PTSD and all of the sudden, once summer started, Christopher became deathly afraid of all bugs; spiders and black flies especially. He shrieks loudly, darts his eyes back and forth and runs to me, needing to be held. Let me tell you, in New England in the summertime, there are a lot of bugs so this has been an issue for him. I keep trying to remind him that he's safe but he's struggling with this the most. I will say that this past week on Cape Cod, he was not the only child afraid of the bugs because one of my sister's friend's daughters was also afraid. Plus my niece became scared yesterday as well. So I don't think that this fear is entirely uncharacteristic of children. However when you have a child who has experienced trauma, I guess the reactions are all just a whole lot stronger.

Now onto the good stuff. We had so much fun in our travels this summer. Best of all, my sister and her kids, who live in Colorado, were visiting this summer so we got to spend TONS of time with them. We just love them so much!

One weekend, we went to the new Legoland Discovery Center here in Boston. The kids had a blast but man, it was loud and exhausting. I was glad to come home after that experience.

On the following weekend, we went to Maine to see some extended family. For my brother's birthday, we all went to the local bait/tackle/gun shop to enjoy a fresh lobster and clambake. It was a unique setting...but very tasty.

We just got back from a week on Cape Cod where we got to stay at our family's lighthouse. Yep....my grandmother bought a real lighthouse in 1936 and it's been in the family ever since. We were truly blessed with amazing weather too so no complaints there.

It was fun because we got to host a lot of friends and family and enjoy a beach with hardly any people on it. How often does that happen in the summertime?

We all get clamming licenses so that we can go clamming and enjoy really really fresh clams that evening. I have to say, those are the most amazing, tasty treats. Nothing beats a fresh, grilled clam!

Even my dog loved the vacation. Nothing like getting wet and dirty in the sand with your family!

When we weren't traveling hours away, we managed to enjoy some closer to home activities this summer as well. For example, here's a photo I took in Gloucester last weekend, where we went for a day trip with a good friend of mine.

And even closer to home, I had a few barbecues this summer right on my front porch. The weather didn't always cooperate--for example it poured down rain on the 4th of July--but that did not deter me. I'm not going to melt. I just braved the elements for a while and next thing you know, I had some yummy grilled salmon and corn on the cob.

So yes we've had to take the good with the bad this summer but still things are better this year than they were last summer when Christopher was just so out of control. A year ago I didn't know what to do about Christopher's behaviors. He was just stuck in overdrive, couldn't slow down and would just get violent with other little kids. I also didn't know about the need for routines and a clean diet and we were still on the wait list for our intro appointment at the Behavioral Medicine Clinic at Children's Hospital. Since Christopher started getting treatment there, life became so much easier. Routines plus clean diet and medication have made a huge difference, along with Christopher just maturing and also believing more that this is his forever home. Each year it does definitely get easier. So that's great. The tough thing though is that as much as I'd love to be able to help other kids get out of the foster care system, Christopher is still such a handful that I just don't think I could handle another child with any sort of special needs. And let's face it, all kids from foster care will have some sort of special needs, right? The trauma alone will mess with a kid's head and they will need help. I just don't have it in me to do more though. My hands are full!

Today is Friday August 1st and I'm still on vacation till Monday. Plus it's an absolutely beautiful day so I've decided to keep the vacation fun going. I've got a few errands to run and a ton of laundry to do but that can all wait till tomorrow when it's supposed rain all day. I think I'll take the kiddo to the beach today. More memories to come!

Memorial Day is for Freedom...and Family

Happy Memorial Day everyone! We are just back from a weekend visiting family that lives just a few hours away in the next state over. I brought the kiddo and the dog and made an adventure out of it as always. Lots of barking, yelling, running, jumping and the occasional sounds of fighting, crying and ultimately making up. Just another day in the life.

One of my nieces is getting married in a few months and so her engagement dinner was the motivation for our trip away. I'm glad that we had a reason to make the trip because I probably wouldn't have gone away otherwise and it was nice to see everyone.

It certainly didn't hurt that the weather was better than originally forecasted because we were able to spend both days on the beach. My kiddo played with my god-daughter and collected crabs and other critters in the water the entire time while her mom (one of my best friends from high school) and I relaxed on the warm sand. Occasionally my neurotic dog barked at passing seagulls but aside from that, the beach was pretty peaceful.

It got a lot crazier once we left the beach because the kids were over-tired, hungry and way over-stimulated. So that's when the yelling, fighting and crying started to kick in. I will say I went back to my brother's house each evening, happy for my bed, for these were some long, loud days. It was great to be at my brother's because he always had a glass of wine waiting for me too. Gotta love that.

I was nervous about how my kiddo would do at the engagement dinner last night because yesterday was such a long, busy day. I was afraid he'd get there and just melt down. Smart mama that I am though, I took him back to the house after the beach, got him showered and dressed and laid him down on the sofa for an hour-long nap. We were late for the dinner but I don't care because the kiddo was in good spirits and held it together for the entire evening. Not one complaint and yes that's rare. Especially after the day we had had so I definitely recommend sleep. Sleep is good.

Christopher always brings his Angry Bird toys with him wherever he goes and last night that worked out well because it was quite the ice breaker. All the cool kids wanted to be with Christopher and his Angry Birds.

I will say, I was beyond exhausted today and the 2-1/2 hour drive back home was a bit rough. We got back home mid-afternoon and I immediately climbed in bed for a nap while my little guy happily reunited with all his Angry Bird toys.

Now it's time for dinner and I could really use a trip to the grocery store but I really don't feel like I have it in me to pack up the kid (whining and crying because he hates shopping) and go out again. So maybe I'll just hold off till tomorrow...you know after a long day of work when we'll both be tired again. Ugh.

Happy Memorial Day all.

I Love Three Day Weekends

Happy Presidents Day everyone! Today is a three-day weekend for me and school vacation week for the kiddo. The downtime feels so nice.

It's funny how three-day weekends used to be times to plan short trips to visit friends and experience adventures within driveable locations. Now three-day weekends mean I can get everything done I need to get done without completely exhausting myself.

This past week was rough because we had not one but two snowstorms so in addition to my normal crazy schedule, I also had to add in longer commuting times and shoveling to my day.

For example, here was my last Thursday, when we got 4 inches of snow throughout the day:

• Woke up at 5:30am -- 15 minutes before the alarm
• Bundled up and took the dog out for a 15 minute walk
• Back at home got myself ready for work and the kiddo ready for school
• Drove the kiddo to school
• Commuted by train in the bitter cold into downtown Boston for work
• Put in a full day of work
• Commuted (slowly) back to our town
• Went grocery shopping
• Picked up the kiddo
• Came home and walked the dog
• Spent 45 minutes shoveling the driveway in the cold and dark
• Went back inside and made dinner
• Fed and bathed the kiddo
• Read books before bedtime then tucked the kiddo in 
• Bundled up one more time to take the dog out to do his thing
• Came home, put PJs on and climbed into bed
• Was asleep by 9:30

So yes you can see why this long weekend was so appreciated. I actually stayed in bed until 8am today! Sure the kiddo came in and tried to get me up at 6:45 and then again at 7:15 but I held firm and got that much needed rest regardless of his "pay attention to me" efforts.

Also, my house is actually clean enough where I'd feel comfortable letting an outsider come visit. It's not spotless by any means but I spent enough time sweeping, doing laundry, organizing and de-cluttering that I feel satisfied. For now at least.

I've already completed my grocery shopping for the week and make crock pot meals for lunch and dinner for the next several days. Even the dishes, pots and pans have been cleaned and the counter tops wiped so we're good to go there too.

And last but not least, the kiddo and I are having fun! On Saturday we went to a friend's house and played in the park, where we built a snow fort. 

Yesterday we went sledding. And today we will go ice skating on the Frog Pond. Fun times right?

So I am glad for the three-day weekend and I wish I could somehow manage working four days a week but unfortunately this mama has a mortgage and bills to pay. I think once it stops snowing every other day (literally) it will be easier to manage the routine. Apparently we're getting another storm tomorrow, which makes me kind of want to cry. But at least I will be well rested and it will be a shorter haul to next weekend. And the good news is that the weather's warming up to high 40s during the week and that will make life infinitely easier as well. Soooo looking forward to that!

What a Rough Week!

I am so glad this week is over and I'm sure my kiddo is glad too.

Christopher came home from school with notes every single day this week. Here is a roundup of our less than stellar week:

Monday: Threw pencils at kids across the room
Tuesday: Hitting, biting, pushing and spitting on kids in the after school program
Wednesday: I didn't even read the note
Thursday: Kicked a girl in the head in the after-school program
Friday: Crying in class; Jumped on friend because he wanted the book she had in her hands

Aaahhh the joys of an ADHD former-foster kid.

What happened this week? We had been doing so well the last few months and now it seems almost like we're back at square one again. I do have some theories:

1. Christopher's therapy is about to end and the therapy team told him on Monday that he was going to "graduate" next week. Christopher has lost two therapists before these two because they had left the practice to get new jobs. Each time Christopher transitioned away from the old therapist to a new therapist, he acted out in ways similar to the above. It makes sense that Tuesday was his worst day because that was the day after he was told he was losing Mary and Mike.
   
   I asked Christopher on Wednesday evening if losing Mike and Mary was upsetting him and he said yes. I also asked him if he thought he was going to be taken away again and he said yes to that as well. Ugh. So my child is acting out because he's afraid he's going to taken away and put into another stranger's foster home. What a heartbreaking thought. I can't imagine always being afraid that I was going to lose my home and my family but this is the reality for so many kids unfortunately. Thankfully that's not the reality for MY kid though and I reassured him that this was his forever home and that he was stuck with me.
   
   It's frustrating because clearly this kid needs some sort of help but what do you do when the services your child gets to help him with his trauma history is what is actually causing the problems? I can talk to the therapists but what can they do? They're "graduating" him next week. Then we're on our own. Not really what I need but it is what it is.
   
   I spoke with Christopher's teacher and she said he could see the therapist at the school if he has an IEP. We are scheduled for IEP testing later this month so hopefully he qualifies and can start receiving services through the school.
   
   
2. After being off school for two weeks, Christopher is way off of his routine. Christopher does not do well at all when he's off his routine. He may need some time to re-adjust to his long days at school and the after-school program again. Lots of kids. Lots of stimulation. And lots of being tired by the end of the day. All those factors can be rough on a kid with ADHD. Hopefully he adjusts next week.
   
   
3. I may have forgotten to give Christopher his ADHD medication on Tuesday. Oops on my part. I too am off my normal routine and with trying to remember so many different things in the morning, I think I forgot possibly one of the most important. After his tough day on Tuesday though, I will never let that mistake happen again.

We'll see if next week is better and I truly hope it is, or else I'll have to figure something out. We'll see. Wish us lots of luck. I think we may just need it.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, happy holidays, joyeux noel and happy Kwanzaa!

We spent the last week out in Boulder, CO visiting extended family and it was a great time. After 12 hours of trains, planes and automobiles, we're back home in Boston, ready to start "real life" again tomorrow.

Christopher goes to YMCA vacation camp and I go back to work. Bah humbug. But hey, someone's gotta pay the mortgage, right?

The week away was really nice and it was great to see family. Everyone was incredibly generous with their gifts too: My sister got Christopher a Razor scooter and a cool helmet. She also bought me a cappuccino maker so now I can stop going to Starbucks and start enjoying tasty coffee drinks right in my own home. Nice right???

Christopher adored spending time with his auntie and with his two cousins, who are close to age with him. The up side was, the kids had a lot of fun playing together. The down side was, sometimes play turned into loud, screaming chaos.

With three kids ages 5, 6 and 7, all over-stimulated, over-sugared and not getting enough sleep, even the most well adjusted child will melt down. Try having a special needs kiddo with ADHD, ODD and PTSD and as you can imagine it all got a bit insane at times. Each day Christopher seemed to lose more impulse control and the defiance increased in frequency. We tried going out to dinner on our last night there and all the boys did was fight, which made we two moms ready to rip our hair out. I'm pretty sure the other patrons at Outback Steakhouse were happy when we were done and gone that evening. Thank you come again....not.

Then there's the travel. Christopher's actually a really good airline traveler--better than I am, if I am to be honest. I get so stressed that I'm going to be late and miss my flight or forget something important like my wallet or that I won't find parking in the economy lot, etc. etc. For some reason when we travel, Christopher's the calm one and I feel like the raving lunatic until I'm safely buckled into my seat. I joked with the woman next to me in the security line that I think it's the only time of year that I wish I had a Xanax prescription. (Kidding! Well sort of...)

Now the airlines also really do not make it easy to travel during the holidays. First, everything is just so unbelievably expensive. I don't even want to tell you what I paid for those tickets. On top of that, you get on the plane and they want to charge you for "premium seats", which frankly, don't seem all that premium-ish to me. If you want to watch DirectTV, it's $8.00 per TV screen per flight. So for us, just getting to Denver it would have been $32 if I had chosen that option ($64 round trip). No thank you! I loaded up the Kindle with movies and games for Christopher and I chose to read a book. Last but not least, no airline peanuts. If you want any sort of food, even a snack, you're now paying out of pocket for it and it's pretty crappy. Needless to say, we ate in the airport.

When I booked the flight, I couldn't select my seats yet. Fine. So I waited and went back to the site last week to select seats, only to find that most seats had been chosen and there were only some random singles left. So did that mean I wouldn't be sitting next to my young child for 4 hours? Pretty much. When I got to the airport, I tried to get the United people to help me, all to no avail. It was a full aircraft, nothing we can do, blah blah blah. Finally, I had to beg the nice man sitting next to Christopher to switch with me just so I could sit next to my young child. Thankfully he did, or else I would have had to pay for those "premium seats" to ensure Christopher didn't start screaming and crying without me there. Yeesh. Honestly, next time I fly out to Colorado, I'm flying JetBlue. United just kind of stunk. So not family friendly.

Now we're home, Christopher's asleep and I'm just about ready to call it a night myself. I hope all who read this has had a wonderful Christmas season themselves and I look forward to a momentous and enjoyable 2014 as well. Cheers!