Hatred

Sigh....my heart is so heavy now. I've been reading so much, probably too much, about the illegal alien children that have wound up in our country. So many children trying to escape terrible lives, leaving everything they've ever known and trying to find safety and security here....only to face deep hatred from racist bigots who forget that they are the offspring of immigrants themselves.

My heart breaks for these children but it also makes me realize that I have to work harder to protect my own son from the harsh realities of the world in front of him. You see, my little guy is the son of an illegal alien and someone that these people would hate if given the chance.

My son isn't a nameless faceless number. He is a living, breathing, kind, loving, funny, smart child with real feelings. He loves soccer and Angry Birds and Mine Craft. He loves his family, his dog and his beloved bed pillow, which he carries around as his very own security blanket. He also has brown skin and a birth parent who's an illegal alien. It's amazing how many people would be willing to overlook all those amazing positive qualities and only focus on the color of his skin and his origins. But that is where we are in 2014 unfortunately.

I generally don't let racist bigotry and ignorance of complete strangers get to me. I have been lucky to mostly align myself with friends who are as a rule, very compassionate, thoughtful, supportive people. However the hatred and anger is just so profound and it's everywhere and so impossible to escape. Protesters are screaming at children, waving AK-47s and "fighting back against an invasion" of young children. Even Facebook friends are writing things like "ship them back" and "Mexicans are no good". It's all so overwhelming. If I can't look to my friends as beacons of light in this crazy world, then I don't know what to do anymore.

It's a little overwhelming for me. My biggest question is I guess, how do I ensure my child knows that he is special and wonderful and loved by the world in which we live? How do I ensure that he is not hurt, physically or emotionally by people who want to hate him just because of the color of his skin or the origins of his background? Lastly and most important, why can't people look beyond skin color and ethnicity in this day and age and see the wonderful person in front of them?

I would also like to know how my friends could see pictures of my little guy on Facebook and tell me he's so beautiful and he's so wonderful but then turn around and say horrible things about illegal alien children. Christopher is one of those children you are hating on! How do you not know this? And most importantly, how do you hate on children in the first place. They are children!!

I really question how we call ourselves a Christian country but yet lack so much compassion and empathy towards our children. I don't go to church much but I do remember pretty clearly that Jesus loved all his neighbors, not just the wealthy, white ones carrying guns. Black, white, brown, rich or poor...these are all God's children and it seems that has been forgotten by quite a few supposed church-going people.

Luckily my son is only six years old and pretty oblivious to all the hatred that exists in the world right now. But I do dread the day that someone shatters his innocence and makes him feel like he's not worthy because of his origins or the color of his skin. That truly scares me as a mother. I just want to protect him forever and I know someday I won't be able to do that.

In the meantime all I can do I guess is let him know that I love him and let him know that there are good, kind kindred spirits out there. They may not be the loudest voices but they are out there. And I also continue to hope and pray for a better world for all of us because really what else can I do.

Dear Governor Patrick....Hire ME as DCF Chief!!!

Dear Governor Patrick. Please hire me as the next Director of DCF. I would do a much better job and the kids would all make it out alive and safe. Better than what we have now, that's for sure.

A Little Background
Here in Massachusetts THREE children in nine months have now died in DCF care and finally...FINALLY our lawmakers have decided to fire the head of the Department of Children and Families.

Good LORD in the private sector, you can lose your job if your company doesn't make specific revenue projections but in child welfare three children have to die before the DCF chief will be fired. What is wrong with our state?

The worst case of course was little Jeremiah Oliver, whose little 5 year old body was found in a suitcase along the Mass Pike just a few weeks ago, allegedly beaten to death by his mother's boyfriend. In that case, the DCF worker was fired but the governor stood behind Olga Roche, the director of DCF.

Then two more babies died and in one case, it was because of a total attitude of "I don't give a $hit" and this has made the news as well. Little Aliana Lavigne died because the DCF worker in charge of faxes went on vacation and nobody was in charge of faxes when she wasn't there. Meanwhile, that week, a police officer filed a 51A (report of abuse or neglect) and the fax sat in the DCF office for a week until the worker came back from her sunny vacation, saw it sitting in her inbox and decided to do something about it. Unfortunately it was too late because the baby had already been killed. Sigh.

Now the governor has finally decided to fire Olga Roche but has replaced her with....someone from the Registry of Motor Vehicles? Seriously? Has anyone ever been to the Registry? Are they nice to you when you need to get your license renewed? Do you have to wait in a really long line? Is there bureaucracy? Come on. Seriously. How is it a good idea to hire a "hard working manager" from the Registry of Motor Vehicles to be in charge of ensuring the safety of our most vulnerable citizens??? Talk about a really bad decision. Come on!!!

Dear Governor Patrick. I would like to make a recommendation for the Director of DCF job: Hire me! Seriously...hire me! I come with a host of experience and I'm certainly a better candidate than someone that has just instituted a computer-based system at the Registry of Motor Vehicles.

Why You Should Hire ME
What makes me so special? Well let me tell you:
1. I will put the needs of the children first. Historically, DCF has been all about reunification, even if that was the worst thing for the child. Kids who've been abused both physically and sexually, should not be subjected to further abuse because that is what the parents want. Cut ties with those parents now and give those kids a chance. That's what I would advocate for as Director of DCF.

2. I have technology experience too. I am an experienced Project Manager and Business Analyst. I have implemented CRM systems and Sales Enablement technology at my firm. If DCF is hiring Erin Deveney as interim Chief of DCF based on her experience implementing technology at the Registry, then I would like the governor to know that my experience is even more robust.

3. I understand the issues. I am raising a son I adopted from DCF and I understand what it's like to be a foster child. If I were hired as the Director of DCF, I would work tirelessly to make sure every child gets out of foster care as soon as possible.

4. I would be pro-child's rights and get these kids into happy, stable homes as early as possible. Too many children bounce around the foster care system and then age out of foster care because they're too old to be adopted. Uh uh. Not on my watch. If I were Director of DCF I'd make sure that the state followed an 18-month mandate to get that child either safely reunified or adopted. No more bouncing back and forth.

5. I am pro-Education for birth families. Some birth parents just need to be taught how to be good parents because they did not have strong role models themselves. For that reason, I would require parenting classes of all parents with children in foster care. This is the only way many of these kids could have a successful reunification. Maybe the birth parents are good people underneath it all but just don't know how to be good parents. How about we give it a shot and try to teach them? It sure as heck can't hurt.

6. I have a marketing background and know how to handle the PR machine. Look, DCF has had some awful publicity lately. Some of it is obviously earned but some of it, not so much. With my marketing background I'd use the media to our benefit and do a MUCH better job of controlling the message.

Unlike so many of our legislators, I'd fight for the rights of our children, so how about it Governor Patrick? Are you going to hire me as Director of the Department of Children and Families? I will be awaiting your phone call soon.

For more information on the sad story of children dying in Mass DCF, feel free to click here.

Massachusetts DCF Endangers Children

In 2012, an independent assessment of the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families determined that our state was doing a terrible job of caring for at risk children: Here are some scary statistics:

• 2011, 40 children died while in state care
• 1 in 5 children experienced abuse or neglect while in state care
• More than 50 percent of children in care have been prescribed psychotropic drugs
• DCF workers fail to make 25% of their required monthly visits to families in care
• More than 18% of children reunited with parents were removed again due to new claims of abuse and neglect
• The number of foster placements for one child is extremely high, going as high as 20 placements for one child

Ultimately, Massachusetts is doing a worse job of caring for its at risk children than departments in 40 out of the 50 US states. 

This is not all. In 2010 the state was sued (Connor B. v. Patrick), alleging that children suffer four times higher abuse here in MA than they do in the rest of the country. In 2013 a federal judge found that MA DCF "failed not only to comport with national standards...but also to comply with its own internal policies." Judge Judy Brown actually asked of DCF, "Do you care?" 

So, armed with recommendations from the assessment and under pressure to comply with federal laws, what did the state do? Nothing. The result: Jeremiah Oliver is missing and presumed dead and who knows how many more children have been hurt.

Now of course,  the media is adding more pressure and it's an election year, so suddenly the solutions are coming in. Attorney General Martha Coakley, who is running for governor, wants to enact a Child Protection Agency within DCF to serve the children deemed most at risk. She has finally stated that children's needs have to come ahead of the needs of the abusive parents. This is from the Boston Herald:

“Right now, a child who is the victim of abuse or neglect may not have someone involved in his or her case who looks out only for the child’s safety,” Coakley said. “During my career, I have seen, day in and day out, how the current structure of DCF puts children at risk and overburdens social workers; the creation of an independent Child Protection Division will go a long way towards addressing these issues.”

Of course this is true but I now ask this of Martha Coakley: Why did you wait until Jeremiah Oliver was dead to come up with an actual solution? If you've known this was an issue throughout your career, why didn't you do something sooner? You're the state's Attorney General. You should have done something. Instead you did nothing and now a little boy is (probably) dead. Shame on you.

Meanwhile, as Martha Coakley devises solutions, the current governor pretends that our current problems are one-off experiences. Governor Deval Patrick, says the issue is not systemic however he's now willing to spend taxpayer money on an outside study to assess the current state of the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families. The cost for this assessment: $40,000. Did I mention that this study was already thoroughly accomplished by Children's Rights in 2012? Why do we need another one and why do we need to spend taxpayer dollars on it? Let's instead put that $40K someplace it will do some good. If money needs to come out of someone's pocket, let it come out of millionaire Deval Patrick's pockets.

All I can do is hope that the pressure that the media is putting on this case actually makes some positive change in Massachusetts because if left to our elected officials, clearly nothing happens. The only silver lining to any of this is that we might be able to make things better for kids in the future.

What's in a Name?

I just read an article about a judge in Eastern Tennessee, presiding over a paternity case, who was supposed to determine the kid's last name but instead decided to change the baby's first name from Messiah to Martin. According to the judge, there's only one messiah and apparently this kid ain't Him.

I guess this shocked the mom and she has already announced that she's going to appeal the case. I was actually shocked to read that the name "Messiah" was the number four fastest rising baby name of 2012. Right behind Major and right in front of King. Who knew??

Can't say I agree with a judge's decision to over-ride what the parents want to name their child. I mean, what is this...Iceland??? But it did remind me of when I was in the process of adopting Christopher, how his social worker called me to fill out the adoption paperwork. She asked me, "What do you want to name him."

I asked, "what do you mean?"

And she said, I could change his name if I wanted to. That surprised me because I thought for a four-year-old kid at least, his name was etched in stone. Guess I was wrong.

I thought for a minute and said, no keep it Christopher. This poor kid has had enough change in his life. He doesn't need a new first name on top of it.

Plus, he was having trouble adjusting to the fact that I was going to change his last name so I didn't want to completely rob him of the last bit of his identity that he was able to keep.

Funny, when I told Christopher that he was going to get my last name after the adoption, I thought he'd be excited to have the same last name as his new mommy. The problem was, this meant we were slamming the door shut on his old mommy and that was hard for him. As nasty and abusive as she was, she was still his first mom and letting go was hard. I felt for the kid actually as soon as I realized how much he was hurting.

It took several weeks after the adoption for Christopher to adjust to his new name but adjust he did. Christopher loves his name now and to be honest, I'm not even sure he'd remember what his last name was just a year ago now. I might ask him and see if he remembers.

If you're interested to learn more about baby Messiah...I mean Martin, please click here.

The Dangers of Parental Visitation

There's a story in the news today that a father killed his son and then himself while on a supervised visit in Manchester, NH. These stories make me sad because I can relate all too well. The courts mandate these visits with crazy, violent parents and then everyone wonders how something could have possibly gone wrong. It's just mind boggling sometimes.

Before Christopher's birth mother lost all parental rights, I used to have to take Christopher to supervised visits at the DCF office near her house. This was three hours away from our house and obviously a strain for both Christopher and myself. There was six hours in a car plus the stress and confusion of dealing with a parental visit. Never fun on a good day.

I had asked if we could move these visits to an office closer to us but his social worker said no. She was concerned about her safety.  Apparently mom was violent and she didn't know what the mom would do so all visits required an armed guard in the room. The mother's social worker actually had a protective order in place because she had been attacked by the mother. And this is someone I had to bring my child to on a monthly basis? Sigh.

The social workers never worried about Christopher's safety, only their own. However Christopher's social worker did tell me to be careful as well and warned me to stay clear of any place where we might run into his family members. So after the visits, instead of stopping for dinner, we would high tail it back onto the highway and out of town back home.

Thankfully nothing physical ever happened during Christopher's visits but the threat of violence was always there. I think it's crazy that I even had to bring him to visits with such an unstable person. But lucky for us, she lost parental rights soon thereafter and we've never seen her since.

As for the little boy in Manchester, NH, may you rest in peace Joshua Savyon. I hope you are in a better place.

To read more about this story, please click here.