Just Another Day in the Life

This isn't me but sometimes I feel like this sure could be me: overworked mom multi-tasking with cleaning, shopping, laundry and the occasional quick work out so you can somehow manage to keep your sanity And as for that smile on her face? That's not happiness. It's called embracing the chaos. That smile is frozen there on her face due to lack of sleep. Trust me...been there done that. Too many times.

Lately it seems like I keep saying, "this weekend I'm going to..." and I finish that sentence with, catch up on emails to friends or organize the spare room or do something else equally productive. For example, I really need to swap out my old wallet for a new one because every time I open it now, I have to hold onto my credit cards in place because the sleeve that holds them is ripped and they've on more than one occasion, come flying out all over the floor in front of me, so I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing (buying groceries, going through the turnstile at the train station, etc.) to pick them up. And I'm always afraid I'm going to miss picking one up and some random stranger will max out my account just because I'm too frazzled to switch out my wallet.

But then somehow the weekend comes and goes and it's Sunday night and somehow I've gotten none of these things done. How is that? 

It's because my life is CRAZY. Sometimes just super crazy. Like for example, last week, I had a one hour lunch break before I had to be back for a work meeting, so i decided to run a quick errand. I drove the car literally two miles, parked in a parking lot of a sunny, warm fall day, came back to the car and...it wouldn't start. Ugh. Seriously? I asked around for anyone with jumper cables and thankfully a very nice man responded yes. He jumped my battery, I thanked him profusely and then he handed me some Jesus literature.  I was like hey sure, thanks. Good to know that Jesus was looking out for me in downtown Malden I guess.

After that experience, I took the car directly to the gas station up the street to have them replace the battery since it was obviously dead. Took them literally 30 seconds to tell me, nope. It was the alternator. Double ugh. Long story short, my car runs again but I am now $360 poorer. The good news is that I did manage to somehow miraculously make it back in time for my 1pm meeting. Impressive right?

Earlier this month, I also discovered that my dog walker was stealing from me! I've noticed stuff disappearing over the course of the last few months but they were such random things (Christopher's flip flops, my Uggs, etc.) that I really just thought I was losing my mind. I also thought that maybe i was just cleaning the house and forgetting where I put them. But I live in a small condo and that argument could really only just go so far.

Then one day my Kindle disappeared and I knew something was going on. I turned my condo upside down and it was just gone. So I emailed the woman who owns the dog walking service I use and asked her if she had heard anything about Kathy (dog walker) stealing. She said OMG, I was the second person in just a few days to say the same thing and she was now totally disgusted. 

Okay on the one hand I was relieved because I finally knew that I wasn't actually losing my mind, On the other though...SHE'S disgusted?? I am the one who's seriously disgusted. I let this woman voluntarily into my home, paid her money and she stole belongings from my 6 year old son? Who steals from a child??? The dog walking service replaced my stolen stuff and I changed my locks thankfully but this did NOT make me happy. By the way, changing your locks yourself is HARD. It took me several hours and a lot of F-bombs before I finally got it right. I am not destined for a career as a locksmith, that is for sure.

In other unrelated news, my dog has horrible seasonal allergies and the poor thing is literally scratching himself raw, like he's got the DTs or something. I feel so badly for him. And I feel badly for me because he would wake me up in the middle of the night scratching, and shaking my bed and I wasn't getting any sleep for weeks on end. I gave him liquid Benadryl but he hated the taste and would run away and hide under the bed, which made giving it to him rather difficult. Not to mention, Benadryl only lasts four hours so he'd wake me up at 2am with more scratching and then I was really awake.

Turns out if I change his diet to this super high end dog food, the scratching is cut way down. I went to Petco last weekend and spent $40 on dog food for just one 12-lb dog and that was with a coupon. Seriously, this dog eats more expensive food than my son and I do!

Oh and on top of all this, I am also training for a marathon! I will be running the Philadelphia Marathon on November 23 with several friends from my running club. Thankfully I'm in taper mode now so life is a bit calmer but I've been running a LOT the last few months to prepare my body for 26.2 crazy miles through the streets of Philadelphia. I've fallen and scraped my shins twice and also pulled one calf muscle but I'm all healed now and excited for my race. Hoowah!

And that my friends is why I said I am not able to change my wallet out or organize my spare bedroom right now. Because I'm insanely busy! The good news is though that I did email my best friend who I kept saying I need to email and she wrote me right back saying she was happy to hear from me. So check that off the To Do list. Only 400 other items to go!

Happy Father's (and Single Mothers) Day!

I'd like to give a great big shout out to all those parents out there playing the role of dad in any way possible. That includes fathers, grandfathers, foster dads, dad-like role models and of course...the single mom who is both the mom and dad to her kids. Yeah...I'm patting myself on the back here.

Sometimes I worry that my kiddo is missing out because I'm a single mom and he doesn't have a dad in his life. Then I remember that he did once have a father in his life who beat his birth mother, got arrested and then abandoned his child. He knew his child was put into foster care and did absolutely nothing about it, all the while Christopher suffered. This "father" let his child suffer so much that the little guy has PTSD now because of it. Shame on you "dad".

One of the things I have had to struggle with on Christopher is his propensity to hit when he's angry or frustrated. We've been working on it a lot and he's become tons better. Last summer, he would eat something with sugar and artificial dye in it (Yoplait Gogurts and slushies were the worst), pick up a stick and in a zombie-like trance, start hitting any child within his reach. It was really creepy to watch actually and got him into lots of trouble. His nanny and he were escorted out of the Easton Children's Museum by an armed guard once because of this behavior. A therapist afterwards told me that the sugar/artificial dye combo were hitting his young, not-fully-developed brain in such a way as to trigger subconscious memories and he was just reliving behavior he had witnessed as a very young child. Armed with that scary information, I changed his diet the very next day. No more artificial dye...no way. It has made a huge difference.

I've also removed gluten and processed foods (ie anything that can break down into simple sugars), had him evaluated and treated by a behavioral pediatrician at Boston Children's Hospital and he continues to receive therapy through my advocating at school. I make sure my kid gets the help he needs to be happy and successful in life.

Lastly, I've started giving Christopher an allowance for doing chores around the house. He gets a dollar every Sunday if he picks up his toys, puts his dishes into the sink after each meal and puts his dirty clothes into the laundry basket. He will also lose 5 cents per episode whenever he hits his mama. Last week was a bit rough and he only got 45 cents but this week he did much better and he is going to receive his full dollar. I actually see him thinking about hitting before he does it and that's exactly what I'm trying to get him to do. He is learning to control himself now and that is a good thing.

If Christopher had stayed with his birth parents, he would have absolutely grown up to be an abuser of women. I have no doubt about that. But because he was removed from that environment at an early age and has received the appropriate guidance he needs, he will grow up to respect women.

So all that said, I don't feel at all guilty that Christopher doesn't have a dad here. His supposed father failed him so badly and this single mom has had to be the one to pick up the pieces. He's a happy kid now and that's what really matters.

Anyone can be a Father but it takes a very special person to be a daddy.

So Happy Father's Day to all you special daddies out there. Hope you all have a great day!

Springtime Means SO Much Going On

The long winter of my discontent has finally ended and the beautiful springtime weather is finally upon us. In New England, that type of weather lasts for 10 minutes (practically) so we locals always try to take as much advantage of nice weather as we can. This is especially after this past winter, which was colder and longer than any I remember in recent history. Thank you El Nino.

Anyway, with a goal to accomplish as much as I can before the weather turns cold again, I've got a To Do list that's as ambitious as as that of two people. No one can say I am not goal oriented.

Yesterday for example, we took a day trip down to Cape Cod for our family's annual work weekend at the Stage Harbor Lighthouse. It started off as a rainy day so soccer was cancelled but it was forecasted to stop raining by 10am, which it did. So we made the last minute decision to trek down to the Cape, which I'm glad we did. It turned into a gorgeous day.

Christopher had a great time learning how to hang shingles from his uncle

And then also spent quality time searching for crabs and clam shells with his cousin

I did a little cleaning but mostly spent the time outside on the beach with the kids and my dog.

It was a beautiful day but after driving down there for two hours then spending all day there in the sun and driving home two hours, I'm worn out today! But there is no time to be tired. Why? Because my latest goal is to sell my condo and buy a single family home. I need more space!

My condo's open house is at 1pm today and I've got a few things to do before the realtor shows up. I've got to vacuum, put laundry away, sweep, declutter, etc. etc. Then I need a trip to Home Depot to get a new welcome mat for the front porch and get a duplicate key made. No day of rest for me today.

I wish I could be my kid and dog who are lazily relaxing on the sofa right now. Not me though...I've got a long list of things to do. And no partner to share them with so I'd better hop to it. This is where it's hard to be a single parent because I'm already exhausted. I am happy that my son is so content but man, it's tough.

But the good news is, uploading photos and blogging were two items on my To Do list that I can now cross off for today. Yay! Now onto the rest of it.

The Flu and The New Job

Two weeks ago I started a new job. I work for the same company but for a different department now, with a new manager and on a new, high-profile project. It didn't come with any additional money or an upgraded title but it does come with a great opportunity to learn something new that I can (hopefully) parlay into more money and prestige once the project completes. So for now I bide my time.

My new manager is based out of our London office and she came to the US offices to meet with people and to spend time with me. She was in Boston for several days then went to NY and then came back to Boston for two days. We have a tight deadline to get a presentation done by Tuesday so we were planning to spend a lot of time together this past week to get things done.

So of course while she's here this week, Christopher comes down with a terrible case of the Flu. He was terribly sick and had a high fever that spiked to 103.5 degrees. Of course I had to stay home with him but that meant telling my new manager (who's only here for two days now) that I won't be seeing her those two days. She was not pleased.

I should also note that my new manager is unmarried with no children and she seems to live and breathe her job. She has lived in Boston, London, Luxembourg and Hong Kong for the company. She's definitely committed her life to her work and she's quite good at it.

This of course is the polar opposite of me. I'm a single mom raising a behaviorally-challenged former foster kid. I work hard during the day but in the evening and on the weekends, I'm focused on the kiddo. I'll work when I need to in the evenings and on weekends but I don't make a habit of it. I strive for work-life balance. Oh and I like sleep.

This work-life balance concept is at odds with the lifestyle the new manager has and I worry that I'm starting this new job off on the wrong foot because I needed to work from home two days this week. At the same time, I am not even sure I could put the types of hours into work that she does even if I wanted to do so.

For example, my new boss put in a full day in the Boston office on Wednesday, hopped on a red-eye back to London and then went straight to the office, putting in a full day (and then some) at her desk there. She also worked a full day on Friday and mentioned that she was planning to work all weekend too. Holy cow, that's a lot of work. And something I'd never ever be able to do...even if I wanted to.

I am ambitious and do want to move up the corporate ladder. I want more responsibility, more money and a VP title. And I feel like I've earned that. I work hard and am productive while I'm at the office. At the same time, I want to be able to have a life outside of the office too and don't want to have to sacrifice one aspect of life completely for the other. I want to be able to be relaxed with my child, not exhausted and stressed. I also want to have time with friends and hobbies. Is it possible to have both? Especially as a single mom raising a child with special needs?

Two years ago, I was putting in a lot of 12-hour days at work and was rather cranky and stressed when I was at home. Christopher took my mood to mean that I didn't love him anymore and was going to give him away, so he started acting out. I can't fault him for thinking this because obviously this very action happened to him several times before and he had reason to feel insecure. I did my best to reassure him but hated that my actions were contributing to his insecurity. Once that project was completed, I vowed not to let that sort of imbalance happen again. And I need to stick to that vow for the benefit of my family.

Regarding the two days I worked from home this week, the issues do seem to have blown over and as long as it doesn't happen again a lot, I should be okay. Thankfully I have built up goodwill at my company and found out that my now most previous manager spoke to the new boss and told her that I do work hard and that it's extremely rare for me to take time off for a sick child (which is actually true). And by the time I was back in the office, she did seem to be calmer about my need to work from home two days. Unfortunately she was already back in London so we didn't get our face time but it is what it is. Just bad timing.

Hopefully this was just a minor bump in the road and that I'll be able to move forward with my career smoothly after this. We'll see how it goes.

I Love Three Day Weekends

Happy Presidents Day everyone! Today is a three-day weekend for me and school vacation week for the kiddo. The downtime feels so nice.

It's funny how three-day weekends used to be times to plan short trips to visit friends and experience adventures within driveable locations. Now three-day weekends mean I can get everything done I need to get done without completely exhausting myself.

This past week was rough because we had not one but two snowstorms so in addition to my normal crazy schedule, I also had to add in longer commuting times and shoveling to my day.

For example, here was my last Thursday, when we got 4 inches of snow throughout the day:

• Woke up at 5:30am -- 15 minutes before the alarm
• Bundled up and took the dog out for a 15 minute walk
• Back at home got myself ready for work and the kiddo ready for school
• Drove the kiddo to school
• Commuted by train in the bitter cold into downtown Boston for work
• Put in a full day of work
• Commuted (slowly) back to our town
• Went grocery shopping
• Picked up the kiddo
• Came home and walked the dog
• Spent 45 minutes shoveling the driveway in the cold and dark
• Went back inside and made dinner
• Fed and bathed the kiddo
• Read books before bedtime then tucked the kiddo in 
• Bundled up one more time to take the dog out to do his thing
• Came home, put PJs on and climbed into bed
• Was asleep by 9:30

So yes you can see why this long weekend was so appreciated. I actually stayed in bed until 8am today! Sure the kiddo came in and tried to get me up at 6:45 and then again at 7:15 but I held firm and got that much needed rest regardless of his "pay attention to me" efforts.

Also, my house is actually clean enough where I'd feel comfortable letting an outsider come visit. It's not spotless by any means but I spent enough time sweeping, doing laundry, organizing and de-cluttering that I feel satisfied. For now at least.

I've already completed my grocery shopping for the week and make crock pot meals for lunch and dinner for the next several days. Even the dishes, pots and pans have been cleaned and the counter tops wiped so we're good to go there too.

And last but not least, the kiddo and I are having fun! On Saturday we went to a friend's house and played in the park, where we built a snow fort. 

Yesterday we went sledding. And today we will go ice skating on the Frog Pond. Fun times right?

So I am glad for the three-day weekend and I wish I could somehow manage working four days a week but unfortunately this mama has a mortgage and bills to pay. I think once it stops snowing every other day (literally) it will be easier to manage the routine. Apparently we're getting another storm tomorrow, which makes me kind of want to cry. But at least I will be well rested and it will be a shorter haul to next weekend. And the good news is that the weather's warming up to high 40s during the week and that will make life infinitely easier as well. Soooo looking forward to that!

2013: A Year in Review

2013...what a year it was. There were some amazing moments: Like camping with the family this summer, fun with friends and Christopher doing so well post diagnosis.

There were some seriously tough times this year though and I'm not sure I'd ever want to relive a year like that again. Let's just say 2013 was a difficult year to be a working single parent.

Starting off in January when my company had layoffs and we went through a major re-org. My department was hit hard and the rest of my work year was heavily impacted...not always in a good way. I have to admit it was a really exhausting experience having to do the job I was tasked to do this past year. Long hours and lots of stress all year long really wore me down.

Another thing that was tough to deal with was the fact that literally every piece of equipment I own this year decided to break at some point. I had Sears here for both my washer and my over the range microwave. I had to replace the microwave but the washer could be fixed...for now. The repairman said it will break permanently sometime soon though. My car had to go to the dealer not once but twice (an hour away) because the horn wouldn't stop blaring. I had to have AAA out because I drove over a nail and they replaced my tire. I replaced three broken blinds through the house. My boiler had a gas leak and I had to call National Grid, a plumber and an electrician to fix it. And two different plumbers have said I need a new hot water heater. All I can say to all this is...ka-ching. My savings seriously depleted this year. Big time.

Last but not definitely not least, my son's not-yet-diagnosed ADHD became much much worse over the course of the year. Summertime was the worst. His pre-school and therapy office closed its doors so he was missing a sense of structure and routine that he desperately needed. Thinking a nanny for the summer would be good, I spent a ton of $$$ to have someone with him all day at home. What a disastrous choice that turned out to be. On day 2 he threatened to kill her and I had to come home and deal with an hysterical woman I barely knew...and also have to figure out what to do with Christopher for the ret of the summer. I was able to beg her to stay but we had some seriously tough times after that. Like the day she called me in hysterics to say they had been escorted out of the Children's Museum by armed security because Christopher was attacking children with a stick. Sigh...that was definitely a low for us. I called my son's pediatrician after that and almost had him put into a special in-patient facility for analysis because I was so freaked out. I decided not to as I thought that would be too traumatic for him and decided to wait it out because his appointment with Children's Hospital would be in just a few weeks. Thankfully that was the right decision. But I have to admit I really felt over my head on that one.

But now onto the good news. All the broken items (except for the washer and the hot water heater) have been fixed. Christopher finally had his appointment with Children's Hospital and the medication the doctor put him on has done wonders. I mean wonders. Completely different kid and I am so relieved! With work, my huge 2013 project is starting to wind down to manageable levels and I'm not nearly so stressed anymore. Also I was able to get my DCF stipend reinstated and they actually back-filled it to the expiration date, so a sizable, incredibly helpful check came in right after Christmas. 

Also we just got a major snow storm here and so school has been closed the last two days. It stinks because it is SO cold out (zero degrees right now!) but the time home allowed me to spend time de-cluttering my spare bedroom, which had gotten seriously bad. Boxes and papers piled up everywhere! I put a bunch of stuff downstairs into the basement storage, threw out several garbage bags of broken toys and old papers and now my spare room can be used as a spare room again. It feels good to be starting the new year ahead of the curve.

And finally because I've been home the last few days, I've been able to catch up on sleep and it has felt SOOOOO good! I was exhausted all year. Literally...exhausted. The last few nights I got nine hours of sleep as opposed to the 5 or 6 I've had the last few months. I'm loving how I feel right now!

So that said, I'm starting 2014 feeling healthy, well rested and positive about the future. This is a great feeling and I hope I get to stay in this mindset for a really long time.

Happy new year!

I Need to Find a Way to Put 25 Hours into Every Day

There literally aren't enough hours in a day for me to get everything I need to get done. The To Do list continues to grow but the day does not. Where will the time come from to get everything done???

First I was up at 2am giving my dog Benadryl because he has some bizarre allergy that's causing him to scratch like crazy. Yes, I know he needs to go to the vet so we can figure out what it is he is suddenly allergic to...but i just need to find the time.

On Saturday, I was nuking some cauliflower so I could make a cauliflower pizza bake and poof, my microwave suddenly died mid-cycle. The lights were still on, the timer timed down but the cooker wasn't cooking. Annoying! I googled the issue and turns out I have a very specific part that needs to be replaced. It only costs $2 but I'm not sure I'll be able to figure out how to do this to replace it. I'll give it a try I guess. Nothing to lose but patience.

A little light's been on in my car the last week and I know that means the tire pressure is low on one of my tires. I've had to have three of my four tires replaced so I know this all too well. On Sunday I couldn't stand it anymore and went out in the pouring rain to figure out which tire it was that was low. It's the front right tire. I put some air in it at the gas station and hopefully that holds us over for a while.

Last night the Kindle Fire stopped taking a charge. Christopher of course cried because he couldn't watch his Angry Birds YouTube videos. Thankfully I got the extended warranty and it should still be covered so I'll get a replacement for free. But now just need to find the time to return it to cowboom.com.

The TV in the living room requires you to bang on the top or else the picture doesn't appear. I feel a little bit like Fonzie when I bang the set top and it magically works again though. (Hopefully you're old enough to get that joke!) Anyway, yes I need to replace the TV.

Two weeks ago the cable box on top of the TV in my bedroom died. It would just cycle through these random letters of the alphabet and never actually give me a TV show. I called Verizon and they UPS'd me a new set top box which arrived just a few days later. It works great and now all I need to do is find the time to make it to UPS to send the old one back.

I've got two birthdays coming up this week for super awesome people and so that means I need to find the time to do some gift shopping. I think I'll actually take a lunch break tomorrow and check out some of the shops in Downtown Crossing and hopefully find something the birthday folks will like.

In the midst of all these To Do items, I also need to work full time, raise my child, walk and feed the dog, feed myself and also occasionally sleep (except at 2am when I'm giving the dog Benadryl apparently).

And yes, I need to write in my blog too. So now I can say one item is at least checked off the To Do list for the day.

Just another day in the life of a single working mom.