Tis the Season for Giving

This week, my company, which is a very big supporter of giving back to the community, kicked off its firm-wide United Way pledge campaign. The Partners have made it fun to participate by initiating competitions by floor and offering daily drawing for prizes to people who've donated. So far, my floor is in the lead for the tricycle relay race time and all I can say is....the 9th floor rules. Woo hoo!

Representatives from the United Way also came into the story to share the sad tale of a young man growing up under the care of a crack-addicted mother, then bounced around the foster care system, finally landing with his ailing grandmother on a fixed income, failing at school and ultimately turning it all around to become a self-sustaining member of society, thanks to the United Way. Yay to the United Way. Here's my check.

I know I sound a little sarcastic there but as a former foster mom and now adoptive mom, the story really kind of pissed me off. Why? It pissed me off for a couple of reasons: The first is that the foster care system is just broken in so many ways. This child should have been removed from his mother's care when he was born and (most likely) tested for drugs right after birth. There are SO many people out there who want to adopt and this woman was clearly an unfit mother. Yet the state kept taking this child away for a period of time, then giving him back, only to have to take him away again. This reminds me of one of my favorite sayings: Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Under this definition, our state child protection agency is acting totally insane. Scary thought, right?

There are so many people who would be thrilled to adopt a baby from foster care and who would give that child a safe, happy, healthy home. Why does the state continuously give kids back to parents who cannot for whatever reason care for them? We really need to set the bar higher here.

The United Way presentation also bothered me because they were asking me for money for stuff that should already be paid for by my tax dollars. I'm all for donating to kids in need but not if I'm going to be throwing my money away into some dark black hole.

For example, the United Way wants to raise funds for this accomplished young man to go to college, so they came to my firm and asked us all to donate towards that goal. That sounds admirable unless you know that this young man, who has spent time in the MA foster care system, can already go to any MA state university or college free of charge. Here in Massachusetts the program is called: The DCF Foster Child Tuition Waiver and Fee Assistance Program. Many other states offer similar programs and many colleges will provide scholarships to foster kids. There is also Federal funding available. So basically this kid could go to Harvard free of charge, if he so chooses. Why am I giving money to the United Way then?

Also the United Way's story talked about how this young man didn't have enough food because his grandmother was on a fixed income and she couldn't afford to feed him. And that would be why he had to drop out of school...so he could get a job that allowed him to eat. Once again, here in MA there are programs available to this young man through our tax dollars so why are we double paying through donations to the United Way. This grandmother should be getting a daily stipend from the state if she's legally caring for her grandson. Also, she could apply for food stamps and free housing. It won't be glamorous housing but it will be a roof over their heads and they will be warm and dry. Lastly, the city of Boston has recently started offering free lunches to all kids attending public school so all grandma has to do is feed her son breakfast and dinner. Lunch is paid for courtesy of our tax dollars. That's on top of the aid grandma already qualifies for as a legal foster care guardian.

One of the reasons I love living in Massachusetts is because there are so many services available to foster parents and to adoptive foster parents. I get free MassHealth for my son and I will now re-apply for my stipend again because we have a medical diagnosis and I will most likely qualify for state funding because of it. Through MassHealth I can get Christopher weekly therapy, a therapeutic mentor, care at one of the nation's top children's hospitals for his ADHD (Boston Children's Hospital), medication and dental care. I just took Christopher to the dentist, got four cavities filled, all for free. It was great. (Well great for me. Christopher screamed at the top of his lungs the entire time.) With rising health insurance costs, this all comes in very handy and allows me to get my kiddo the help he needs to heal from his history of trauma.

Bah Humbug?

Just so you know, I'm not all bah humbug about donating to charity. If the United Way can funnel my donations to an agency of my choosing, I'm happy to donate. If not I will just find a charity on my own because I know there is LOTS of need out there. The people of the Philippines for example are in dire need after a hurricane came through and decimated much of the country. I just want to make sure that my donations are going to a cause that will truly help those in need, as opposed to just throwing money at people that just need to make a little bit of effort to help themselves. I'm all for a hand UP...not a hand OUT.

So I guess what I'm saying is, this holiday season, it's important to remember those around you who are in need. Be thankful for what you have and donate freely. But first, make sure to perform your due diligence and make sure the agency receiving your money is worthy of the funds. I don't know about you but I don't have a ton of money and I want to make sure that the money I donate really is going towards a good cause

A great place to check out how well your charities measure in giving the money you donate to those who could actually benefit from it is The Better Business Bureau.

All Boston School Kids to Get Free Breakfast and Lunch

There's no such thing as a free lunch....unless your kid attends public school in Boston, MA.

Earlier this week, a Facebook friend posted a status sharing the news that all Boston school children will now get free breakfast and lunch courtesy of a Federal program called the Community Eligibility Option, regardless of the parents' ability to pay. I found the debate that followed the post interesting and chose to participate myself.

Basically, the program was put into place because too many parents were sending their kids to school without food or even the money to purchase food. The schools were dealing with an epidemic of kids who didn't have any food in their bellies for 8+ hours. Wow.

Perhaps the parents couldn't afford to feed their children but found filling out paperwork too difficult (especially if English isn't their primary language) or too invasive (they didn't want to publicly list their salary).

Perhaps the parents just forgot to give their kids money. And of course, there is always the small segment of parents that just couldn't be bothered.

Whatever the reason is, instead of penalizing the offending parents, we're now using our tax dollars to feed all kids, regardless of need. In Boston apparently 40% of children all qualify for a subsidized lunch. But what about the other 60% Why can't their parents pay?

Let's not even talk about the crap that these kids are eating because that's another discussion entirely. Instead let's talk about parental responsibility. We need to feed our children. That's a basic requirement. When we start ceding these responsibilities to the state, what comes next???

Please understand that I am in no way against providing assistance to children in need. And I truly believe that children need food in their bellies to be able to learn. They shouldn't suffer because of the actions or inaction of their parents. I firmly believe in "hand ups". But when that "hand up" turns into a "hand out", I start taking issue.

Programs like this create a culture of dependency and make it so easy for people who have no business having kids to have even more. And then we as a society become burdened with caring for those children, whether it be financial care through taxes or physical care through fostering. This is not going to be sustainable and it will affect our economy, our healthcare system, our school systems, basically every aspect of society. It needs to be addressed before it gets any more out of hand.

But let us now talk about the food these kids are getting. Bread, pizza, hot dogs and sugary desserts filled with artificial dye. What they call "healthy" does not constitute healthy by my parental standards. Nope not at all.

So when all kids will start getting a free junk-food lunch, it makes my job of providing a healthy lunch to my child more difficult. Christopher cried to me the other day when I picked him up from school because it was pizza day and all the other kids got pizza but not him. He cried, "I hate our gluten free diet!!"

The thing is, I don't want my kid hating healthy food. I want him to love it and embrace it. How do I do that however when he is surrounded by junk food being labeled as healthy?

I don't see this issue going away anytime soon and I guess I just need to educate my kid on what's healthy and what's not. What else can I do?

Anyway, I've got to get off Blogger because my child is telling me he's hungry and I've got to go feed him his healthy, nutritious breakfast because he wants some (gluten free) brownies instead. Signing off now!

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