Good Luck Baby Veronica

Today the Oklahoma Supreme Court gave custody of 4-year-old “Baby Veronica” back to the Capobianco family. She had been living with them for two years while the birth father Dusten Brown fought to regain the parental rights he apparently accidentally signed away prior to deploying to active duty. Two years ago state courts gave him custody and Veronica has been living with him while the Capobiancos continued to fight. Today they finally won.

This poor little girl has now been ripped away from her bonded family twice in just four years. Hopefully she doesn’t end up suffering from PTSD and RAD like other kids shuffled around from home to home often do. My own adopted son has lived with me for two years and he still can’t sleep in his own bed and sometimes fears that I’m going to give him away. Our adoption has been finalized for a year but with PTSD he will sometimes get triggered right back to that scary place. Hopefully Veronica doesn’t suffer the same fate.

I gotta say, even though I’m an adoptive mama, I kind of have to say I side with Dusten Brown on this one. I know that paperwork was signed giving up his parental rights but he claims that he didn’t know what he was signing and that has got to stand for something. Okay, okay I know that sounds kind of suspect. But the guy was in the process of deploying to Iraq, his girlfriend was pregnant and yeah, the guy had a lot going on. 

Dusten Brown was serving our country in the most honorable way possible. Doesn’t he get a break?

I do wonder how Veronica is going to feel when she grows up and learns how the Capobiancos ripped her away from a family who loved her dearly. I don’t know how they’re going to explain that.

Meanwhile she has a daddy who fought for her and never gave up. That’s probably going to resonate with her. Especially if the Capobiancos keep the bio dad away from her, which I’m assuming they will just to create some family unity.

I also wonder why the Capobiancos wouldn't allow for an open adoption. That's very common in the foster adoption world and this little girl is clearly bonded with her bio family. It seems rather cold to shut them entirely out of her life. I hope that the Capobiancos let the family she has grown to love be a part of her life going forward. It would really be in her best interest.

The big take-away here is that our adoption laws clearly need some work. If two parties can fight for nearly four years to win parental rights for one little girl, then something needs fixing. There really should be some sort of a cap on this sort of thing so you don't keep disrupting this little girl's life.

Not to mention, the Capobiancos were fighting based on their lawyer's contention that Federal law does not recognize an unwed father as a biological parent. How is that possible. The guy needed to marry the mother before he could be deemed Veronica's father? That's nuts!

Anyway, good luck little Veronica. I hope you have a happy, healthy future ahead of you. 

Happy Birthday Baby Veronica!

Baby Veronica turns 4 today

The little girl at the heart of the Baby Veronica case turns four today. Happy birthday little girl!

As an adoptive foster mom, I pretty much across the board believe that kids should live with the person who will best take care of them. Frankly I think unfit parents have too many rights to get back their kids after they've been removed from their care, which causes those kids more harm than good. I could never be a foster parent. Never. God bless the people who can foster a child for any length of time and then give those kids back to the bio parents. Those people are truly needed and I admire them for their courage. But I chose the route of foster adoption for a reason. I wanted to be a permanent mom; not a temporary one.

The case of Baby Veronica is different though. This isn't a case where the child was removed from parental care by the state because of abuse or neglect. In this instance, the birth mother put her daughter up for adoption apparently unbeknownst to the father. The father claims he didn't know she was giving their daughter up for adoption. True, the facts are a bit murky here. The mother claims that she not only notified him but that he signed documents asserting both his knowledge and acceptance of the adoption. The father claims he thought he was signing custody papers for his daughter so she could obtain military benefits while he was deployed to Iraq as an active service member. I have no idea what the truth is here.

When the dad, Dusten Brown, found out that the mom had put Veronica up for adoption, he immediately went to court to regain parental rights. He was still deployed to Iraq and the little girl was 4 months old at the time. Since he's part Cherokee, Dusten Brown invoked the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 (ICWA) to gain custody of his daughter. It worked and at the age of 27 months, Veronica was handed over to a father she had never previously met.

Fast forward to today, Veronica's fourth birthday. The case continues to go back and forth through the courts; meanwhile the child continues to live with and bond with her biological dad, step-mom, half-siblings and extended family. As I understand it, the birth mom is entirely out of the scenario.

So now what? Does Veronica stay with her biological family or does she go back to the Capobiancos? The laws are murky and contradictory here: The Capobiancos live in South Carolina and Dusten Brown lives in Oklahoma so there isn't one single state law to follow. Meanwhile, because Dusten Brown is part Cherokee, the Federal government becomes party to the case due to the ICWA. One ruling overrides another and the roller coaster continues. These people must all be spending an absolute fortune on legal fees.

It's unfortunate that we have to try and legislate this child's custodianship because what we really should be doing at this point is simply acting in the child's best interest. Is it in her best interest to stay with Dusten Brown or would she have a better life if she were to go back to the Capobiancos?

I personally believe that it's best for Veronica to stay with the Brown family at this point. She has bonded with her family and it's a loving, stable home. Ripping a child from her family is very traumatizing and could, at worst, result in a case of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Do the Capobiancos really want to traumatize Veronica like that just so they could become parents?

Also, how do the Capobiancos plan to explain to Veronica why they took her away from her loving, biological family; family she looks like and acts like, to live half a country away with people she doesn't have any biological or cultural connection to? She doesn't look like the Capobiancos and like other adopted children, will feel like an outsider much of the time. Meanwhile, the bio family loves her, looks like her and shares the same culture. The Capobiancos could become absolute villains in the eyes of the child they claim they love. I cannot believe that this is what they want.

I feel for the Capobiancos. They really, really wanted to be parents and fell in love with Veronica the moment they met her. That's got to be heart wrenching. However, as parents, sometimes we have to do what's right for the children we love, no matter how difficult or painful that action is. Ripping Veronica away from her loving, stable family environment at this point would really do more harm than good. So in this case, I truly believe the Capobiancos should stop fighting for custody of Baby Veronica (who is actually no longer a baby) and move on with their lives.

One other note: there are over 100,000 foster kids awaiting a permanent home today. If the Capobiancos want to be parents as much as they say they want to do, why not pursue foster adoption and give a needy kid a loving, stable home? That would be the win-win here for all involved.