To Medicate or Not to Medicate

We finally got our diagnosis from Children's Hospital and no surprise, it was ADHD. The doctor also noted that Christopher seems to have trouble identifying letters and is well below Kindergarten level there so she's concerned that there's dyslexia as well.

I agree with the ADHD but not so much with the dyslexia. Christopher's been learning some things more slowly than other kids his age--potty training was a challenge for example. And I'm still battling with him to use a fork at the dinner table. So I think it's a learning delay, as opposed to dyslexia.

I've seen his school work and he seems to get a lot of "happy faces". He is writing and the letters look normal (for a 5 year old that is). Plus he loves school and doesn't appear to be frustrated at all. So I think maybe he just needs a little extra attention for reading and writing. I will ask the school to provide testing though and we'll get to the bottom of that.

However I totally agree with the ADHD diagnosis. Plus, I'd also throw in SPD and ODD for good measure as well. The doctor gave us a prescription for Metadate CD and suggested I try that out with Christopher. A low dosage to start: just 10 mg per day.

I did some research on ADHD medications and there are definite side effects which scared the bejesus out of me. I'm like I'm supposed to do this to my child??? No way!

Then I started asking around and I joined an ADHD parents' group on Facebook and learned that there are a lot of parents going through what I'm going through now. And everyone says that the medication is fine. I liked how they said if it doesn't work out for your child, you could just stop. Truth told, I hadn't thought about that--I felt like once we started I was locked in--so I appreciated that as an option.

I looked into holistic options as well (since I realized diet makes a huge difference, why not consider herbal supplements?) But the thing about herbal supplements is that nothing is regulated by the FDA and these supplements could have some strong components to them as well. I went onto the Amazon.com site and looked up Brightspark, for example because I had heard about that as an option. I started reading the reviews and saw that one woman reported that her child was experiencing something called Micropsia, and it was because a form of Arsenic is one of the top ingredients and it was affecting her daughter's brain chemistry. I'm sorry but...Arsenic??? In a children's medicine???

I just don't know how I feel about going to the Internet and buying powerful psychotropic supplements that are not regulated by the FDA and that are being administered to young children. Do we have any idea their safety protocols? Do we understand how they will affect little kids? And are they really putting Arsenic in them??

Long story short, I decided to start Christopher today on the Metadate and we'll see how it goes. He mentioned today while we were at the dog park that he was super thirsty but aside from that, so far so good. No negative side affects. Yet. I did notice that he played with his friend Salvi for an entire hour without shoving him as well, so that's equally good. Hopefully this was the right decision for us. I guess we'll see.

The Journey Begins: Awaiting a Diagnosis

Loving the Kid with Behavior Issues

I realized recently that I often walk on egg shells, wondering how Christopher is going to act up that day. When he was in pre-school, I used to dread picking him up because I never knew if I'd walk to to hear about what he did to some other kid on the playground. One time he pushed a kid off the top of the slide and the kid fell on his back, lost his breath and scared the living daylights out of everyone. (Luckily the little boy recovered quickly). Another time, he smashed his friend’s sunglasses and denied it. There are just so many stories of hitting pushing and the list goes on and on. 

It got so bad that the pre-school wouldn’t let him play outside anymore. This upset him terribly but it was also a strain on me. After work every night, I had to take him to the park near our house so he could get his energy out. I’m exhausted after a long day but he’s bouncing off the walls. We wouldn't get home until 7pm and only then could I start dinner, cleaning, baths and books. It made for a pretty exhausting day for me. 

So what’s a mom to do?

Christopher’s out of pre-school for the summer and spending Monday through Friday with a nanny. The one-on-one attention is great for him and for the most part all is going well. However there are still issues. For example, Christopher threatened to hit her on the second day of her job and she called me at work in tears. She almost quit and I had to rush home and beg her to stay. Turns out Christopher was upset about leaving his pre-school friends and lashed out at the nanny because he didn't know how else to express himself. Once I had a conversation with him, he understood that he could still see his friends but that he couldn't threaten to hurt the nanny anymore. He actually got better after I scheduled a play date with his friend Eva and the crisis was averted. The nanny, to her credit, stayed on.

All had been going well until this week. Just the other day she took Christopher to the Children's Museum. At first all seemed to be going well. She texted me pictures of Christopher sitting with baby ducks and having so much fun. I loved it. A few hours later the text came that I dread though: “Is it okay if I call you?” That’s never a good message.

I was on a conference call but asked her if Christopher was okay. She said yes but that they had been escorted out of the museum by security because Christopher was hitting other kids with a stick. She was pretty freaked out. Oh dear.

I talked to her and found out that they were on the playground and Christopher started fighting with some kids. Next thing you know he’s hitting them with a stick. And out they go.  The end.

This upset me (obviously) so I called the pediatrician to see if he could help me get my evaluation with Children’s Hospital prioritized. (I've been waiting for six months now!) I feel like Christopher’s behavior is getting worse in some ways, just because he's bigger and can cause more harm. This is scary for me. The receptionist said the doctor wasn’t available today but that there is a program that they could refer me to if the behaviors are becoming dangerous. I think about it for a bit and said I would talk to the doctor when he’s available tomorrow. I’m not sure about this. I know he’s got issues but should he be going to a program for kids who are suicidal? Who cut themselves? Christopher just has impulse control issues. Isn’t Children’s Hospital good enough?

The thing is…I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know what to do. Can Children’s Hospital help? Should I just try out this other option? Is that too much program or just the right program for him? I am so out of my element here and it is all too overwhelming for me.

I spoke with Christopher's therapeutic mentor and decided that we could just wait for the Children's Hospital appointment. I don't think his condition is extreme enough for this other program. I really do think when I meet with Children's, that we'll get a diagnosis of ADHD with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. But we need treatment and we need it now. When the pediatrician called me, I asked him if it would be possible to expedite our appointment and he said he'd try. I would really like for Christopher to have his assessment before he starts kindergarten in just a few weeks. I need to know what to tell his teachers before we start the first day so they have some idea how to handle him. I want to start school on the right foot. I want him to do well in school and I want him to make friends. I know untreated ADHD leads to social isolation, lower grade point averages and depression. I want to ensure none of that happens to my child. I want him to be happy and well adjusted.

Today I really thought, I did not sign up for this when I decided to become a mom. Is it so wrong to just want a “normal” kid?

On the other hand, I love Christopher with all my heart and feel like if it wasn't for me, then he wouldn't have a decent life. So I am glad I was able to save this kid so that he has a future. It sucks that it has to come at the expense of our present though. 

Welcome to our Life!

Welcome!

I’m the single working mom to a son adopted from foster care and this is our story. Welcome! I chose to write this blog to share my story in the hopes that it could help other moms (and dads) facing some of the challenges I’m experiencing. I could really benefit from a community of like parents and since I haven’t found one in existence already, I thought I’d take steps to create one myself. So here goes.

Plus it’s just therapeutic to get everything out. Who needs expensive therapy when you could just write a blog for free?

So about our story…. A little history: As a single woman in my 40s, I’d never had the opportunity to have children, so I decided to see if I could adopt as a single parent via the foster care system. I really wanted to be a mom but without the right guy in my life and with my own fertility waning, I thought this might be the best way to go. I knew there were so many children looking for a good home so why not choose foster adoption over other private adoption, which was highly competitive and very expensive.

With foster adoption, everything was free to me and that was definitely a selling point. My reasoning was that the more money I saved on the adoption process, the more I could spend on my child. 

Christopher, a three-year-old foster child who had been taken from his mother when he was two, had bounced around seven foster homes before coming to live with me. Yep that’s right; seven foster homes. This poor kid never spent more than six months in one place and was devastated when each and every placement disrupted. My heart broke for this adorable little man who desperately needed a mother’s unconditional love, stability and consistency in his life. I knew that no matter what happened, I would NEVER give up on this child. He would be my forever son…for better or for worse.

Christopher and I have definitely had our ups and downs over the last two years. He has great days where he’s sweet, loving and listens well. But then there are the rough days. He has a long history of trauma (mostly due to the instability of his early childhood) and has been diagnosed with PTSD, for which he receives different treatments on a weekly basis. I’ve also gotten a referral from Christopher’s pediatrician to Children’s Hospital because I’m pretty sure he will be diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He hits, bites and scratches kids on the playground and sometimes just seems to have no impulse control. He used to run out the front door of my house, scaring me that he’d get hit by a car. Also, sometimes he seems to be going 120 miles an hour and it’s impossible to stop or even slow him down. Channeling all that hyperactive energy can really be a challenge sometimes, especially when I’m tired. 

Because of everything going on with my little guy, parenting Christopher can be a challenge. Sometimes I think I handle it well but other times, I feel like I just can’t take anymore. I’m doing this all on my own too and so getting support or even just a break from the stress is not easy. But I think probably just being Christopher is even more a challenge. I marvel at his ability to succeed amid all his struggles and I vow to do everything I possibly can to ensure that he grows up to be a happy, healthy, grounded man who knows how well loved he is.

In this blog, I’ll be sharing our journey all from the perspective of a working, single mom raising a wonderful son adopted from foster care. I hope you find our story helpful and interesting and please feel free to share your thoughts and questions anytime.