Hatred

Sigh....my heart is so heavy now. I've been reading so much, probably too much, about the illegal alien children that have wound up in our country. So many children trying to escape terrible lives, leaving everything they've ever known and trying to find safety and security here....only to face deep hatred from racist bigots who forget that they are the offspring of immigrants themselves.

My heart breaks for these children but it also makes me realize that I have to work harder to protect my own son from the harsh realities of the world in front of him. You see, my little guy is the son of an illegal alien and someone that these people would hate if given the chance.

My son isn't a nameless faceless number. He is a living, breathing, kind, loving, funny, smart child with real feelings. He loves soccer and Angry Birds and Mine Craft. He loves his family, his dog and his beloved bed pillow, which he carries around as his very own security blanket. He also has brown skin and a birth parent who's an illegal alien. It's amazing how many people would be willing to overlook all those amazing positive qualities and only focus on the color of his skin and his origins. But that is where we are in 2014 unfortunately.

I generally don't let racist bigotry and ignorance of complete strangers get to me. I have been lucky to mostly align myself with friends who are as a rule, very compassionate, thoughtful, supportive people. However the hatred and anger is just so profound and it's everywhere and so impossible to escape. Protesters are screaming at children, waving AK-47s and "fighting back against an invasion" of young children. Even Facebook friends are writing things like "ship them back" and "Mexicans are no good". It's all so overwhelming. If I can't look to my friends as beacons of light in this crazy world, then I don't know what to do anymore.

It's a little overwhelming for me. My biggest question is I guess, how do I ensure my child knows that he is special and wonderful and loved by the world in which we live? How do I ensure that he is not hurt, physically or emotionally by people who want to hate him just because of the color of his skin or the origins of his background? Lastly and most important, why can't people look beyond skin color and ethnicity in this day and age and see the wonderful person in front of them?

I would also like to know how my friends could see pictures of my little guy on Facebook and tell me he's so beautiful and he's so wonderful but then turn around and say horrible things about illegal alien children. Christopher is one of those children you are hating on! How do you not know this? And most importantly, how do you hate on children in the first place. They are children!!

I really question how we call ourselves a Christian country but yet lack so much compassion and empathy towards our children. I don't go to church much but I do remember pretty clearly that Jesus loved all his neighbors, not just the wealthy, white ones carrying guns. Black, white, brown, rich or poor...these are all God's children and it seems that has been forgotten by quite a few supposed church-going people.

Luckily my son is only six years old and pretty oblivious to all the hatred that exists in the world right now. But I do dread the day that someone shatters his innocence and makes him feel like he's not worthy because of his origins or the color of his skin. That truly scares me as a mother. I just want to protect him forever and I know someday I won't be able to do that.

In the meantime all I can do I guess is let him know that I love him and let him know that there are good, kind kindred spirits out there. They may not be the loudest voices but they are out there. And I also continue to hope and pray for a better world for all of us because really what else can I do.

Hobby Lobby Doesn't Care About Children

I know that the headline above sounds somewhat salacious but in reality, it's true. Hobby Lobby today did something that will put more children into harm's way...all so they could save a few bucks. Shame on you!

Hobby Lobby sued the Federal Government (and won) because it believed that forcing companies' insurance to cover birth control was anti-Christian. Putting the whole "separation of church and state" argument aside, the Christian thing would really be to help struggling families, not to pay them minimum wage and then deny them basic healthcare coverage.

Not to mention, this decision just puts more kids at risk; at risk of abuse, neglect, hunger and even death. People who can't afford or don't want children should not be having children and denying them birth control does that.

But Hobby Lobby is Christian and they love children. Really? Well let's just examine some statistics showing how much our Christian population really cares (or doesn't care) about the children in our country.

Today alone...

• Four children will die from abuse or neglect. Source
• 16 million children will go to bed without enough food in their bellies. 16 million! Source
• 397,000 children will suffer through the fear and insecurity of foster care Source
• The US ranks dead last among developed countries in providing paid parental maternity leave Source

Those are some seriously sobering statistics. You would think the conservative, Christian Hobby Lobby would be doing something to put a stop to abuse and neglect. But they are not.

That said, why aren't the Christians at Hobby Lobby helping feed the nearly 400,000 kids nationwide who don't have enough food? Because they really don't care.

Why aren't the the Christians at Hobby Lobby fostering children so they don't age out of the foster care system? Because they really don't care.

Why aren't the Christians at Hobby Lobby providing safe haven to children so they aren't hurt or killed by their parents? Because they really don't care.

Why aren't the Christians at Hobby Lobby paying their employees above minimum wage so they can afford to have children? Because they don't want to spend the money.

Why don't the Christians at Hobby Lobby provide paid parental maternity leave? Because they don't want to spend the money.

You get the gist.

Let's face it. Hobby Lobby doesn't really care about children. They care about money. It costs money to provide employees with affordable health insurance benefits and they want to cut costs wherever they can. What better way to do this than to say that they care about children and to rally the Christian cause behind them? Christians will jump on the band wagon and meanwhile the children of our country will suffer even more. Wonderful.

If they really believed in children over money, then they wouldn't allow their 401K plan to invest in contraception manufacturers. But they do.  

Letting children suffer abuse, neglect, pain and even death has got to be the least Christian thing I know of and yet that is what Hobby Lobby supports. If Hobby Lobby really was a Christian organization, they would be out there protecting children....not just thinking of ways to line their pockets with more money. Shameful.

There's a Kindergarten Graduate In The House!

Today was the last day of school and great news...Christopher graduated Kindergarten. He will be going to First Grade next fall. Hooray!

It hasn't always been an easy year but I have to say that the school, the teachers and the after-school program have (mostly) been great. He has received excellent medical care and therapeutic services as well. All of this has worked together to make my kiddo the Kindergarten success that he is.

Christopher started off the school year with a diagnosis of ADHD and Learning Disability NOS (not otherwise specified) from Boston Children's Hospital. He tested at the Borderline Retarded level for some areas. I was really concerned.

So we start with medication for the ADHD and miraculously, the learning starts to go through the roof. Christopher wasn't suffering from a learning disability or mental retardation. His brain was just going way too fast and he needed something to help slow it down so he could learn. That is where the stimulant medication came in. He takes it in the morning before heading off to school and he's able to pay attention and focus now on school work long enough to learn. It's amazing.

Christopher can read, write and perform simple math. In his report card, he received mostly "Satisfactory's" and his teacher wrote that his understanding of topics is at grade level. That's a testament to great medication and hard work and patience from his teachers but let's also give Christopher some of the credit. He worked hard this year! I am very proud of my little man.

On his report card, there were a few instances of "Progressing" that still requires some work. Christopher's less mature than other children in his class and that's due to his trauma history. When he gets frustrated he will often start crying...sometimes very loudly. I still get the occasional temper tantrum. It's a little weird to see these behaviors of a toddler coming out of a child of nearly 7 years old but he's got a lot of early childhood trauma to work through. He also has ADHD and that presents some challenges as well. But he's in good hands I believe so I think he'll get there.

So congratulations Christopher! Now let's have a great summer.

Happy Father's (and Single Mothers) Day!

I'd like to give a great big shout out to all those parents out there playing the role of dad in any way possible. That includes fathers, grandfathers, foster dads, dad-like role models and of course...the single mom who is both the mom and dad to her kids. Yeah...I'm patting myself on the back here.

Sometimes I worry that my kiddo is missing out because I'm a single mom and he doesn't have a dad in his life. Then I remember that he did once have a father in his life who beat his birth mother, got arrested and then abandoned his child. He knew his child was put into foster care and did absolutely nothing about it, all the while Christopher suffered. This "father" let his child suffer so much that the little guy has PTSD now because of it. Shame on you "dad".

One of the things I have had to struggle with on Christopher is his propensity to hit when he's angry or frustrated. We've been working on it a lot and he's become tons better. Last summer, he would eat something with sugar and artificial dye in it (Yoplait Gogurts and slushies were the worst), pick up a stick and in a zombie-like trance, start hitting any child within his reach. It was really creepy to watch actually and got him into lots of trouble. His nanny and he were escorted out of the Easton Children's Museum by an armed guard once because of this behavior. A therapist afterwards told me that the sugar/artificial dye combo were hitting his young, not-fully-developed brain in such a way as to trigger subconscious memories and he was just reliving behavior he had witnessed as a very young child. Armed with that scary information, I changed his diet the very next day. No more artificial dye...no way. It has made a huge difference.

I've also removed gluten and processed foods (ie anything that can break down into simple sugars), had him evaluated and treated by a behavioral pediatrician at Boston Children's Hospital and he continues to receive therapy through my advocating at school. I make sure my kid gets the help he needs to be happy and successful in life.

Lastly, I've started giving Christopher an allowance for doing chores around the house. He gets a dollar every Sunday if he picks up his toys, puts his dishes into the sink after each meal and puts his dirty clothes into the laundry basket. He will also lose 5 cents per episode whenever he hits his mama. Last week was a bit rough and he only got 45 cents but this week he did much better and he is going to receive his full dollar. I actually see him thinking about hitting before he does it and that's exactly what I'm trying to get him to do. He is learning to control himself now and that is a good thing.

If Christopher had stayed with his birth parents, he would have absolutely grown up to be an abuser of women. I have no doubt about that. But because he was removed from that environment at an early age and has received the appropriate guidance he needs, he will grow up to respect women.

So all that said, I don't feel at all guilty that Christopher doesn't have a dad here. His supposed father failed him so badly and this single mom has had to be the one to pick up the pieces. He's a happy kid now and that's what really matters.

Anyone can be a Father but it takes a very special person to be a daddy.

So Happy Father's Day to all you special daddies out there. Hope you all have a great day!

The ADHD Mom and Children's Parties: No Fun!

As many of my readers know, my son was diagnosed last September with ADHD and we've had a great deal of success using a multi-pronged approach of diet, structure and medication to treat it. Our normal day to day lives are so much easier now because of that approach. And that's a very very good thing.

What are you supposed to do when you can't follow your normal routine though? Do you keep your child from going to parties that would be fun for him but a nightmare for you? Or do you say let's let him have this one day of fun and you just suck it up because you want to give your kid a "normal" life?

Case in point: Friday night starting at 6pm, Christopher's school had the end of the school year "Spring Fling". It was an ice cream party (no real food) with lots of sugar and artificial dye, loud music and crazy loud little kids running around screaming. Describing the evening as "chaotic" would be an accurate assessment.

I was nervous about the event and also tired from a long week of being a hard working career-building single mom. But how could I say no to Christopher going when all his friends would be there? He'd cry on Monday if he missed this opportunity.

I will say though that the event as well as the next 24 hours were no fun for me. First of all, the party was at the end of a long week and Christopher was tired. It's a lot harder to control yourself if you're tired. Also, his meds had long since worn off so he didn't even have that going for him. The party was SO loud and so Christopher was completely over-stimulated. Not to mention, Christopher ate so much sugar...for dinner. This kid is normally on a gluten free, dye free, processing free diet so for him to eat all this crap with nothing healthy in his stomach was basically like giving him crack as a snack and letting him loose on society. He was a whirling dervish of chaos waiting to happen.

As much as I hate the idea of being a helicopter parent, I had to shadow Christopher the entire party to ensure he didn't hurt himself or the other kids. To make it even more "fun", the school provided these blow up beach toys in the shape of ice cream cones and the sun. This picture below isn't the exact toy but it's similar. They're made out of the same material as a blow-up beach ball and Christopher and the other high energy boys spent the evening pummeling each other with them. I had to pull another kid off him multiple times, his best friend was so wound up he was literally jumping off of furniture with them and Christopher kept whacking kids to the point that I was afraid he'd hurt someone.

Fun right???

We finally left after 2 hours and went home. I walked the dog, gave Christopher some real food, got him a bath and let him unwind for a bit watching the Kindle. By the time he got into bed, it was 10pm, which is a full hour past his normal bed time. He was exhausted. So was I.

The real fun began on Saturday after Christopher woke up at 5:30am with only 8.5 hours of sleep. He was off schedule, off diet and now didn't have enough sleep and we had to go to soccer at 8:30. Normally he is an amazing little soccer player but this day he was whiny, sluggish and cranky. I was tired and cranky too, so that was not a great combo; even worse considering I'm the coach of the team. I had to send him into a time out at the other end of the field at one point, screaming and crying, leaving my team behind. Thank goodness I have an assistant coach who could take over for me. Sometimes, I really wonder what the parents of the other kids think about us.

After the soccer debacle, I canceled plans for the rest of the day and took Christopher home. I was hoping he'd nap but no, he was just all sorts of cranky all afternoon. Considering I had also been awake since 5:30, I was pretty cranky too. Ugh.

Nothing made me happier than putting Christopher to bed at his normal 9pm bedtime last night. I went to bed soon thereafter and we both woke up in much better spirits today. Thankfully it's still the weekend and we have another nice day to enjoy outside.

Meanwhile, tomorrow (Monday), one of Christopher's friends has a birthday party starting at 5pm. I'm like, are you kidding? A party for 6 and 7 year olds on a Monday night? Initially I had RSVP'd yes for the party but I think after the weekend's festivities, I've changed my mind and will RSVP no. It's one thing to have a party and then have the weekend to recover. It's a whole other story to do this on a Monday and then have to go to school (and work) all tired and cranky for the next four days. No thank you.

But now it's time to get outside and enjoy this great weather. Happy Sunday to all.

Memorial Day is for Freedom...and Family

Happy Memorial Day everyone! We are just back from a weekend visiting family that lives just a few hours away in the next state over. I brought the kiddo and the dog and made an adventure out of it as always. Lots of barking, yelling, running, jumping and the occasional sounds of fighting, crying and ultimately making up. Just another day in the life.

One of my nieces is getting married in a few months and so her engagement dinner was the motivation for our trip away. I'm glad that we had a reason to make the trip because I probably wouldn't have gone away otherwise and it was nice to see everyone.

It certainly didn't hurt that the weather was better than originally forecasted because we were able to spend both days on the beach. My kiddo played with my god-daughter and collected crabs and other critters in the water the entire time while her mom (one of my best friends from high school) and I relaxed on the warm sand. Occasionally my neurotic dog barked at passing seagulls but aside from that, the beach was pretty peaceful.

It got a lot crazier once we left the beach because the kids were over-tired, hungry and way over-stimulated. So that's when the yelling, fighting and crying started to kick in. I will say I went back to my brother's house each evening, happy for my bed, for these were some long, loud days. It was great to be at my brother's because he always had a glass of wine waiting for me too. Gotta love that.

I was nervous about how my kiddo would do at the engagement dinner last night because yesterday was such a long, busy day. I was afraid he'd get there and just melt down. Smart mama that I am though, I took him back to the house after the beach, got him showered and dressed and laid him down on the sofa for an hour-long nap. We were late for the dinner but I don't care because the kiddo was in good spirits and held it together for the entire evening. Not one complaint and yes that's rare. Especially after the day we had had so I definitely recommend sleep. Sleep is good.

Christopher always brings his Angry Bird toys with him wherever he goes and last night that worked out well because it was quite the ice breaker. All the cool kids wanted to be with Christopher and his Angry Birds.

I will say, I was beyond exhausted today and the 2-1/2 hour drive back home was a bit rough. We got back home mid-afternoon and I immediately climbed in bed for a nap while my little guy happily reunited with all his Angry Bird toys.

Now it's time for dinner and I could really use a trip to the grocery store but I really don't feel like I have it in me to pack up the kid (whining and crying because he hates shopping) and go out again. So maybe I'll just hold off till tomorrow...you know after a long day of work when we'll both be tired again. Ugh.

Happy Memorial Day all.

Springtime Means SO Much Going On

The long winter of my discontent has finally ended and the beautiful springtime weather is finally upon us. In New England, that type of weather lasts for 10 minutes (practically) so we locals always try to take as much advantage of nice weather as we can. This is especially after this past winter, which was colder and longer than any I remember in recent history. Thank you El Nino.

Anyway, with a goal to accomplish as much as I can before the weather turns cold again, I've got a To Do list that's as ambitious as as that of two people. No one can say I am not goal oriented.

Yesterday for example, we took a day trip down to Cape Cod for our family's annual work weekend at the Stage Harbor Lighthouse. It started off as a rainy day so soccer was cancelled but it was forecasted to stop raining by 10am, which it did. So we made the last minute decision to trek down to the Cape, which I'm glad we did. It turned into a gorgeous day.

Christopher had a great time learning how to hang shingles from his uncle

And then also spent quality time searching for crabs and clam shells with his cousin

I did a little cleaning but mostly spent the time outside on the beach with the kids and my dog.

It was a beautiful day but after driving down there for two hours then spending all day there in the sun and driving home two hours, I'm worn out today! But there is no time to be tired. Why? Because my latest goal is to sell my condo and buy a single family home. I need more space!

My condo's open house is at 1pm today and I've got a few things to do before the realtor shows up. I've got to vacuum, put laundry away, sweep, declutter, etc. etc. Then I need a trip to Home Depot to get a new welcome mat for the front porch and get a duplicate key made. No day of rest for me today.

I wish I could be my kid and dog who are lazily relaxing on the sofa right now. Not me though...I've got a long list of things to do. And no partner to share them with so I'd better hop to it. This is where it's hard to be a single parent because I'm already exhausted. I am happy that my son is so content but man, it's tough.

But the good news is, uploading photos and blogging were two items on my To Do list that I can now cross off for today. Yay! Now onto the rest of it.