Why Gluten Free Works for Us

There's an article making the rounds of Facebook entitled "Science Proves Gluten Sensitivity Isn’t Real, People Are Just Whiners" that you can find Here if you're so inclined to read it.

As the mom of a kiddo who's on a gluten-free diet, articles like this tend to piss me off. Not because there is disagreement about the benefits of a gluten-free diet because I actually think healthy debate is a positive thing and I'm all for better education about what people choose to eat. And I get that some people are just jumping on the gluten-free bandwagon as yet another fad. If Jimmy Kimmel makes fun of you because you don't even know what gluten is and you're on a gluten-free diet, well, you might want to read up on your dietary options.

What bothers me is the headline has to mock people to make its point. Quite honestly, if the only way you can get your point across is by making fun of people, then you are immature and your argument has no credibility in my opinion. I don't argue with children.

I don't really care what some hipster, trying-to-be-too-cool, I-act-like-I-know-everything-but-I-still-live-at-home-with-my-parents "author" has to say about anything. They haven't lived any sort of real life yet and I don't see it as my responsibility to educate them.Whatever. Just go back to posting your ironic photos on Instagram of you and girlfriend at SXSW, stay out of my family's health choices and we'll all be fine.

For the grown ups out there though, let me tell you a little bit about what a gluten-free diet has meant to us. My son, because of his early childhood experience with trauma in foster care, has severe ADHD. He was put into foster care at the age of 2, bounced around NINE homes and finally landed with me at the age of 3. This was extremely traumatizing for my little guy and although he has a stable, loving home now, the damage has been done. His brain just didn't develop the way a "normal" child's would and he is extremely hyper, lacks impulse control and has trouble learning. We get care through the Developmental Medicine Center at Boston Children's Hospital and I also keep him on a strict routine, strict diet and make sure he gets enough sleep. It's a small sacrifice on my part to see a huge difference in his behaviors and that makes it all worthwhile.

My son's diet is both gluten free and artificial dye free and both help his behaviors tremendously. For the record, I don't think he has a reaction to gluten per se but more of a reaction to the wheat, which breaks down into a simple carb, spikes his blood sugar and makes him go crazy out of control.

So the issue really is wheat....not gluten. But no one really says let's have a wheat free diet. It's a gluten-free diet. It really is just a name though.

Of course, people might say that we've been eating wheat for thousands of years without issue so why are so many different people all the sudden saying that they're intolerant of gluten? The fact is, we've been eating wheat for thousands of years yes but we have only been eating "modern" wheat for a few decades. It's a fact that the modern wheat we eat today is not the same wheat we ate a generation ago. The Dwarf Wheat we have today is more compact and it is also processed differently so it's much less nutritious and jam-packed full of carbs. Through processing, we are now able to mechanically separate the nutritious components of the grain (the bran and germ) away from the endosperm, which is where most of the starchy carbs are contained. This change has led to an obvious reduction in nutrient density, contributes to rampant weight gain and gives refined wheat the ability to spike blood sugar very fast. That's where my son has his issues. Rapidly spiked blood sugar in a kid that has ADHD is never a good thing.

That being said, I will admit that recently I started to speculate whether my son was really affected by gluten or if it really was all just a myth. So a few months ago, I started to relax his diet because he was not gaining weight and he complained about missing bread. I felt like a guilty mommy denying my son something he loved so much. So I started letting him have peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, which he LOVED.

Unfortunately, I did not LOVE his peanut butter sandwich breakfasts because all the behaviors came right back and he started acting completely out of control again. I couldn't get him dressed in the morning and we'd be late for camp or school. Every day was a constant battle and I was starting to feel overwhelmed.

It all came to a head one morning last week when I was worn out from a night of insomnia, stressed about the day of work ahead and the kiddo was running around the house, screaming and throwing his toys. He wouldn't put on his clothes, was downright mean and mocking to me and then on top of it all, ended up peeing in his pants. I lost it and started yelling, which made him cry and which made me feel terrible. This is not the kind of relationship I want to have with my child and it certainly would not work long term. Something had to change.

Since then, I've put Christopher back on his strict gluten-free diet and it has worked tremendously well for him. He still has a lot of energy in the morning and requires some redirection to get dressed but I am at least in control of the situation and that's a good thing. When I drop him off at school in a good mood, I can relax and feel good about our relationship and about my parenting. If it means he's not getting whatever he wants for breakfast, well that's just the price we have to pay for a good life.

Unlike Buzzworthy, NPR has news written by actual grown-ups and there's an article that says there is still a great deal to learn about gluten that science hasn't figured out yet. This is especially true regarding how diet affects kids with ADHD, Autism and learning disabilities. We definitely have a lot to learn. I would also like to recommend a book called Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis. It's very enlightening.

For the record, my son ate Leapin' Lemurs GF cereal mixed with Corn Chex for breakfast an hour ago and right now he is quietly watching a video on the Kindle while I type this blog post up. I certainly cannot complain about that!

Welcome to First Grade!

Two weeks ago, my little man started first grade and thankfully he loves it.

The night before was a little rough because he doesn't handle new experiences all that well (I think we can all figure out why) so there were quite a few tears and wails of "I hate school....don't make me go!" And I had a heck of a time getting him to go to sleep that night. 

And that morning he clung to me like I was his last lifeline and when he had to line up with the rest of his class, he seriously looked petrified. Poor thing. So I of course worried about him all day and hoped he was okay.

Thankfully when I picked him up at 2:15, he came out with a big smile on his face. (Whew!) I asked him how his day was and he said, "I had an excellent day. I didn't punch a single kid."

I know that sounds funny but when Christopher gets overwhelmed or overstimulated, his ADHD takes off and he has been known to hit a kid at summer camp or in soccer on a few occasions. So he must have been pretty worried that he wasn't going to be able to control himself at school. Thankfully that wasn't an issue. School really is easier for us than summers are.

The great thing about school that is that it is ideally suited for kiddos like Christopher. The classrooms are low stimulation (except for recess), rule-based and highly structured. Christopher thrives in an environment like that. Plus it helped that he's already spent a year there, had friends already and also kept his skills fresh over the summer with a reading/math workbook. 

Since then, school has continued to go well and he has come home with a lot of "happy faces" on his school work. It took a week for the before school program and after school program to start so it's been a bit stressful for me, trying to juggle work and family but we can finally get our routine in place now, so that's good. Of course there are still these "teacher appreciation days" where there's no school so I have to figure out what to do with him on those days so I can work, which is annoying. Quite frankly, I'd appreciate my son's teacher more if she would just go to school and teach. But I digress.

The only bummer is that I found out that the school psychologist has left, which means Christopher no longer gets weekly therapy through the school. I remember when I met her last year I had told her that his previous therapists kept leaving and that it was stressful for him to keep getting attached to someone, only to see them leave. She told me that she had been at this school for 16 years and wasn't going anywhere so I could feel confident in knowing that he could build a long, solid relationship with her. Yeah, that didn't even last a year. 

Other than that though, I'd say all in all, a good start to the school year. Let's hope it continues on in that way.

Testing Our Boundaries

It's been a busy summer and I just started training for the Philly Marathon because I really need something I'm doing for myself. For the last three years it's been work work work and mom mom mom and there's been zero me me me. So it's time to change that dynamic a bit. It's been really busy and kind of exhausting but I am really finding that I have more energy and that I"m happier so that's good.

For the most part, Christopher's been great but we have had some challenges sprinkled in there as well.

For example, a rough day this summer was the day that I discovered that Christopher decided to secretly stop taking his ADHD medicine.

I was at work that day and I got a call from YMCA camp asking me to pick the kiddo up because he was having a bad day. It was noon and I was confused but I left work to get him. According to the staff, he was hitting, kicking, and licking the other kids and spat at a counselor. Fun right? Not really.

I picked him up and asked him why this happened today. All I got was a shrug and an "I don't know". 

I was driving home and kind of at a loss. Out of the blue I decided to ask him, "you took your medication today....right?" He puts his head down and says "no."
I said, "what do you mean you didn't take your medicine? I gave it to you this morning".

He replied with, "I wanted to see if I could make it a day without my medicine, so I hid it behind the TV."

"Seriously? Well guess what...we know what happens without your medicine now don't we???" Yeesh.

I took the kiddo home and got him into bed for a much-needed nap and I went back to work on the computer. He woke up and seemed to be better so I thought, great, crisis averted.

I decided to keep his normal babysitter for the evening because he seemed like he was fine. And I really needed a run! So the babysitter arrived that evening and I went off running.

After the run, I checked my phone and had several missed calls from the babysitter, which is never a good sign. Uh oh. I quickly called her and she was practically in tears because Christopher was acting so crazy.

The babysitter had asked him to do his summer workbook pages that I've had him doing. I guess it was a really bad day for that though. By the time I got home, he had thrown lemonade at the babysitter, torn up the house and covered himself in kiddie "slime" he found in a drawer somewhere. He was locked in his room and the babysitter was shaking scared because she'd never seen him like that. Sigh. 

Funny enough though when she left I was able to calm him down pretty quickly, get him to clean his room up, gave him a shower, put some lavender-scented baby lotion on him and then put him to bed with books. I think some of the behaviors must stem from separation anxiety because of how quickly he was able to calm down. 

So the big take-away here is....Christopher REALLY needs his medication. I know it's normal to test boundaries but this is just one boundary that cannot be tested. On the one hand, I was annoyed with him but on the other, I was relieved that the solution was simple: Just take your meds. I was really afraid the Concerta wasn't working anymore and that would be horrible. This is a relief thankfully. Lesson learned though. From now on I will be watching him physically swallow the medication every single day so I can be 100% certain he's taking it. Since then, we've had no problems (knock on wood) and I hope that continues!

Summertime Ups and Downs

Here we are at the beginning of August already. How is it that summertime flies by so quickly and the winter just churns on and on and on and on and ....

Anyway, we've had a lot of fun this summer and as many great times as we have had, Christopher's been way off his routine more than I had wished. This does create some issues for him too.

For example, when Christopher gets really over-stimulated with lots of activity and other kiddos around, his medication simply stops working. So a few weekends ago when we were up in Maine, you would not even know he was taking meds. He was hitting, kicking and fighting with his cousin which really made me lose my cool a few times.

Also, even though his medication is a 12-hour lasting dose, it does wear off at some point. So here we are at dinner in a lovely restaurant with extended family and Christopher starts to melt down. Loudly. I even had to put my hand over his mouth at one point to keep him from scaring the other patrons because he was that loud. Luckily my family helped out and were able to calm him down because this frazzled mom was staring to feel overwhelmed.

One day this past week Christopher went to bed way too late and woke up way too early so he didn't have enough sleep. That day he was like a walking zombie all day and I felt bad for him. I tried to get him to take a nap but he wouldn't do it, instead just choosing to stare at his toys for a while. This was way out of character for him and I made sure that the following evening he got to bed earlier. His medication really does require that he get enough sleep and this is clearly what happens when he doesn't get it. Poor kiddo.

Last but not least, being off of his normal strict routine seems to exacerbate his PTSD and all of the sudden, once summer started, Christopher became deathly afraid of all bugs; spiders and black flies especially. He shrieks loudly, darts his eyes back and forth and runs to me, needing to be held. Let me tell you, in New England in the summertime, there are a lot of bugs so this has been an issue for him. I keep trying to remind him that he's safe but he's struggling with this the most. I will say that this past week on Cape Cod, he was not the only child afraid of the bugs because one of my sister's friend's daughters was also afraid. Plus my niece became scared yesterday as well. So I don't think that this fear is entirely uncharacteristic of children. However when you have a child who has experienced trauma, I guess the reactions are all just a whole lot stronger.

Now onto the good stuff. We had so much fun in our travels this summer. Best of all, my sister and her kids, who live in Colorado, were visiting this summer so we got to spend TONS of time with them. We just love them so much!

One weekend, we went to the new Legoland Discovery Center here in Boston. The kids had a blast but man, it was loud and exhausting. I was glad to come home after that experience.

On the following weekend, we went to Maine to see some extended family. For my brother's birthday, we all went to the local bait/tackle/gun shop to enjoy a fresh lobster and clambake. It was a unique setting...but very tasty.

We just got back from a week on Cape Cod where we got to stay at our family's lighthouse. Yep....my grandmother bought a real lighthouse in 1936 and it's been in the family ever since. We were truly blessed with amazing weather too so no complaints there.

It was fun because we got to host a lot of friends and family and enjoy a beach with hardly any people on it. How often does that happen in the summertime?

We all get clamming licenses so that we can go clamming and enjoy really really fresh clams that evening. I have to say, those are the most amazing, tasty treats. Nothing beats a fresh, grilled clam!

Even my dog loved the vacation. Nothing like getting wet and dirty in the sand with your family!

When we weren't traveling hours away, we managed to enjoy some closer to home activities this summer as well. For example, here's a photo I took in Gloucester last weekend, where we went for a day trip with a good friend of mine.

And even closer to home, I had a few barbecues this summer right on my front porch. The weather didn't always cooperate--for example it poured down rain on the 4th of July--but that did not deter me. I'm not going to melt. I just braved the elements for a while and next thing you know, I had some yummy grilled salmon and corn on the cob.

So yes we've had to take the good with the bad this summer but still things are better this year than they were last summer when Christopher was just so out of control. A year ago I didn't know what to do about Christopher's behaviors. He was just stuck in overdrive, couldn't slow down and would just get violent with other little kids. I also didn't know about the need for routines and a clean diet and we were still on the wait list for our intro appointment at the Behavioral Medicine Clinic at Children's Hospital. Since Christopher started getting treatment there, life became so much easier. Routines plus clean diet and medication have made a huge difference, along with Christopher just maturing and also believing more that this is his forever home. Each year it does definitely get easier. So that's great. The tough thing though is that as much as I'd love to be able to help other kids get out of the foster care system, Christopher is still such a handful that I just don't think I could handle another child with any sort of special needs. And let's face it, all kids from foster care will have some sort of special needs, right? The trauma alone will mess with a kid's head and they will need help. I just don't have it in me to do more though. My hands are full!

Today is Friday August 1st and I'm still on vacation till Monday. Plus it's an absolutely beautiful day so I've decided to keep the vacation fun going. I've got a few errands to run and a ton of laundry to do but that can all wait till tomorrow when it's supposed rain all day. I think I'll take the kiddo to the beach today. More memories to come!

Hatred

Sigh....my heart is so heavy now. I've been reading so much, probably too much, about the illegal alien children that have wound up in our country. So many children trying to escape terrible lives, leaving everything they've ever known and trying to find safety and security here....only to face deep hatred from racist bigots who forget that they are the offspring of immigrants themselves.

My heart breaks for these children but it also makes me realize that I have to work harder to protect my own son from the harsh realities of the world in front of him. You see, my little guy is the son of an illegal alien and someone that these people would hate if given the chance.

My son isn't a nameless faceless number. He is a living, breathing, kind, loving, funny, smart child with real feelings. He loves soccer and Angry Birds and Mine Craft. He loves his family, his dog and his beloved bed pillow, which he carries around as his very own security blanket. He also has brown skin and a birth parent who's an illegal alien. It's amazing how many people would be willing to overlook all those amazing positive qualities and only focus on the color of his skin and his origins. But that is where we are in 2014 unfortunately.

I generally don't let racist bigotry and ignorance of complete strangers get to me. I have been lucky to mostly align myself with friends who are as a rule, very compassionate, thoughtful, supportive people. However the hatred and anger is just so profound and it's everywhere and so impossible to escape. Protesters are screaming at children, waving AK-47s and "fighting back against an invasion" of young children. Even Facebook friends are writing things like "ship them back" and "Mexicans are no good". It's all so overwhelming. If I can't look to my friends as beacons of light in this crazy world, then I don't know what to do anymore.

It's a little overwhelming for me. My biggest question is I guess, how do I ensure my child knows that he is special and wonderful and loved by the world in which we live? How do I ensure that he is not hurt, physically or emotionally by people who want to hate him just because of the color of his skin or the origins of his background? Lastly and most important, why can't people look beyond skin color and ethnicity in this day and age and see the wonderful person in front of them?

I would also like to know how my friends could see pictures of my little guy on Facebook and tell me he's so beautiful and he's so wonderful but then turn around and say horrible things about illegal alien children. Christopher is one of those children you are hating on! How do you not know this? And most importantly, how do you hate on children in the first place. They are children!!

I really question how we call ourselves a Christian country but yet lack so much compassion and empathy towards our children. I don't go to church much but I do remember pretty clearly that Jesus loved all his neighbors, not just the wealthy, white ones carrying guns. Black, white, brown, rich or poor...these are all God's children and it seems that has been forgotten by quite a few supposed church-going people.

Luckily my son is only six years old and pretty oblivious to all the hatred that exists in the world right now. But I do dread the day that someone shatters his innocence and makes him feel like he's not worthy because of his origins or the color of his skin. That truly scares me as a mother. I just want to protect him forever and I know someday I won't be able to do that.

In the meantime all I can do I guess is let him know that I love him and let him know that there are good, kind kindred spirits out there. They may not be the loudest voices but they are out there. And I also continue to hope and pray for a better world for all of us because really what else can I do.

Hobby Lobby Doesn't Care About Children

I know that the headline above sounds somewhat salacious but in reality, it's true. Hobby Lobby today did something that will put more children into harm's way...all so they could save a few bucks. Shame on you!

Hobby Lobby sued the Federal Government (and won) because it believed that forcing companies' insurance to cover birth control was anti-Christian. Putting the whole "separation of church and state" argument aside, the Christian thing would really be to help struggling families, not to pay them minimum wage and then deny them basic healthcare coverage.

Not to mention, this decision just puts more kids at risk; at risk of abuse, neglect, hunger and even death. People who can't afford or don't want children should not be having children and denying them birth control does that.

But Hobby Lobby is Christian and they love children. Really? Well let's just examine some statistics showing how much our Christian population really cares (or doesn't care) about the children in our country.

Today alone...

• Four children will die from abuse or neglect. Source
• 16 million children will go to bed without enough food in their bellies. 16 million! Source
• 397,000 children will suffer through the fear and insecurity of foster care Source
• The US ranks dead last among developed countries in providing paid parental maternity leave Source

Those are some seriously sobering statistics. You would think the conservative, Christian Hobby Lobby would be doing something to put a stop to abuse and neglect. But they are not.

That said, why aren't the Christians at Hobby Lobby helping feed the nearly 400,000 kids nationwide who don't have enough food? Because they really don't care.

Why aren't the the Christians at Hobby Lobby fostering children so they don't age out of the foster care system? Because they really don't care.

Why aren't the Christians at Hobby Lobby providing safe haven to children so they aren't hurt or killed by their parents? Because they really don't care.

Why aren't the Christians at Hobby Lobby paying their employees above minimum wage so they can afford to have children? Because they don't want to spend the money.

Why don't the Christians at Hobby Lobby provide paid parental maternity leave? Because they don't want to spend the money.

You get the gist.

Let's face it. Hobby Lobby doesn't really care about children. They care about money. It costs money to provide employees with affordable health insurance benefits and they want to cut costs wherever they can. What better way to do this than to say that they care about children and to rally the Christian cause behind them? Christians will jump on the band wagon and meanwhile the children of our country will suffer even more. Wonderful.

If they really believed in children over money, then they wouldn't allow their 401K plan to invest in contraception manufacturers. But they do.  

Letting children suffer abuse, neglect, pain and even death has got to be the least Christian thing I know of and yet that is what Hobby Lobby supports. If Hobby Lobby really was a Christian organization, they would be out there protecting children....not just thinking of ways to line their pockets with more money. Shameful.

There's a Kindergarten Graduate In The House!

Today was the last day of school and great news...Christopher graduated Kindergarten. He will be going to First Grade next fall. Hooray!

It hasn't always been an easy year but I have to say that the school, the teachers and the after-school program have (mostly) been great. He has received excellent medical care and therapeutic services as well. All of this has worked together to make my kiddo the Kindergarten success that he is.

Christopher started off the school year with a diagnosis of ADHD and Learning Disability NOS (not otherwise specified) from Boston Children's Hospital. He tested at the Borderline Retarded level for some areas. I was really concerned.

So we start with medication for the ADHD and miraculously, the learning starts to go through the roof. Christopher wasn't suffering from a learning disability or mental retardation. His brain was just going way too fast and he needed something to help slow it down so he could learn. That is where the stimulant medication came in. He takes it in the morning before heading off to school and he's able to pay attention and focus now on school work long enough to learn. It's amazing.

Christopher can read, write and perform simple math. In his report card, he received mostly "Satisfactory's" and his teacher wrote that his understanding of topics is at grade level. That's a testament to great medication and hard work and patience from his teachers but let's also give Christopher some of the credit. He worked hard this year! I am very proud of my little man.

On his report card, there were a few instances of "Progressing" that still requires some work. Christopher's less mature than other children in his class and that's due to his trauma history. When he gets frustrated he will often start crying...sometimes very loudly. I still get the occasional temper tantrum. It's a little weird to see these behaviors of a toddler coming out of a child of nearly 7 years old but he's got a lot of early childhood trauma to work through. He also has ADHD and that presents some challenges as well. But he's in good hands I believe so I think he'll get there.

So congratulations Christopher! Now let's have a great summer.